White Noise

Spike Dolomite
Sep 17, 2017 · 3 min read

The mother of all rallies! The pro-Trump rally on the National Mall drew out hundreds of people. Militia members from all over the country showed up to provide security. The capitol police showed up to keep an eye on the makeshift militia. There was a rule, though — you couldn’t bring your confederate flags. So only a few hundred people showed up to the mother of all rallies.

Actually, the mother of all rallies was the day after the inauguration when actual mothers wearing hand knitted pink pussy hats took to the streets all across the nation. Those pussies are not up for grabs.

Instant Replay: A white cop is acquitted for murdering an unarmed black man (and in this case, the cop had told his partner that he was going to kill that mother fucker and then planted a gun after killing him,) so people take to the streets, the militarized police move in, the media focuses on arrests and property damage, and racist white people sit on their butts at home watching the whole thing on TV, telling each other that black people have it coming to them.

The cops trampled an old lady at the protest in St. Louis and charged her with “interfering.”

Irony of ironies: Trump demands an apology from a black sports anchor for calling him a white supremacist.

Obama got hit every day with insults, false accusations, and filthy racist messages. He let it roll because he is a mature, confident, composed leader. He didn’t let the whole birther thing rattle him.

The birther thing. Trump is a white supremacist.

Trump changed his mind again and decided to stay in the Paris Climate Accord. Sarah Huckabee Sanders then tweeted out that the US has not pulled out of the Paris Accord.

Donald Trump doesn’t speak. He talks.

“If you’re partisan and you don’t want to see Trump succeed on immigration reform, that will be a tough pill to swallow,” Paul Ryan said as he choked on the Obama pill still stuck in his throat.

Republican hypocrites fun facts: Four Republicans in Oklahoma have been busted for sex crimes so far in 2017. State Senator Bryce Marlatt resigned six days after he was charged with sexual battery for attacking an Uber driver. Former governor aide Travis Goss Brauer put a camera up a woman’s skirt during a budget meeting and ended up in jail. Gay bashing State Senator Ralph Shortey got busted in a hotel room getting high and having sex with a teenaged boy. He had been advertising on Craigslist, looking for a bromance — the younger the better. He’s in jail for child pornography and child sex trafficking. State Rep Dan Kirby resigned after being accused of sexually harassing two of his assistants. He asked one of them to send him topless photos and go with him to a strip club. He resigned before he got expelled.

The Democrats are supposed to be the morally depraved party.

Trump referred to Kim Jong-un as Rocket Man in a tweet this morning.

Republicans are at it again — repealing Obamacare. Constituents are going to raise hell again, but they don’t care. THEY DO NOT CARE.

So far, it looks as though the only people Robert Mueller is investigating for a crimes against the country are white men.

Trump is exhausted from holding it together and not lashing out, making a fool of himself, antagonizing allies, pouring gasoline on racist dumpster fires, or insulting people for the past two weeks. He says he deserves a vacation.

It’s 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Do you know where your president is? Sitting on the toilet, eating a Sausage McMuffin and tweeting juvenile tweets. 15 times to be exact. One of them was a re-tweet of a gif of him hitting Hillary in the back with a golf ball.

Spike Dolomite

Written by

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade