Willpower doesn’t feel good…
What wants to be written today? I’ve been away from this for longer than I was with it… Life seems to have changed me, totally since then.
My why has changed, it feels like. Why do anything? Only for service. Yes, there are other things that come from it. Enjoyment, excitement, exploration, wonder. Growth, expansion, evolution. But I choose to do everything in dedication to service for the wellbeing of all.
Every word that I write, every thought I think, every action, every choice, sends blessings of love, joy, freedom and confidence out into the world. Abundance. My big obstacle in life has been abundance. Lack thereof!
And abundance feels like freedom, joy and confidence to me. So those are the blessings I choose to send out, in service to all.
But what is touching me so deeply inside this morning? There is a feeling of inadequacy, of not being enough, doing enough, of not being ready for whatever is next in life. Breathe, Kirsten, breathe.
Oh, how hilarious! I wasn’t breathing well, because I put on jeans that are too tight for me, now. Changed to my sweatpants, and the world feels so much better! Peaceful and gentle. Calm.
I have been reading Martha Beck’s book, 4 Day Win. It’s supposed to be about losing weight. But really it’s about talking sweetly to our bodies, and listening to them. She points out that our bodies are creatures. And as creatures, we need to make friends with them, as we would any other animal.
With our minds and our thoughts, she asks us to be kinder to our bodies. Using our breath and our movements, we can teach our bodies that we are to be trusted.
It reminds me of one of the things that I have been intrigued with for some time. The mind, with it’s thoughts kind of works independently of my conscious control. But I also have a voice that can speak within, just as it can out loud. And that is the part that I have some choice about. I can choose to add to the mix. But I can’t really take away from the mix, just by wanting to.
So thinking operates as it does, not as I will it to operate. And when the body feels safe, the mind calms, too. So breathing, eating, moving slowly, all tell the body that it is safe. So they tend to calm the mind, too.
That is why lengthening the attention span is so useful. The longer that I can attend to the breath, or choose to say loving words to myself, or choose to move slowly and gently, the more safe the body feels. It relaxes. And the mind relaxes with it.
We are used to shoving ourselves around. Using willpower to do things. Making ourselves do the things that our bodies are saying, ‘wait a second, this doesn’t feel good’, to. What Martha Beck points to, is that using willpower that way, is a way to bully our creature selves into doing what ‘we’ want them to do. Instead, learning to be our own body whisperer, will feel good to us and allow us to work with our bodies, rather than against them. Exactly what Matt Kahn has been teaching us, too.
And that brings me to ‘why blog’. I had been using it as another way to push my body to do what it didn’t want to do. We’ll see how it feels as things go on. If I use it in service, to learn how to be a body whisperer, maybe that will be a useful endeavor.