“Greatness lies even in the smallest of moments, in the humblest of hearts, and we shall, each of us, be called to greatness. Whether we shall rise to meet it or let it slip away is the challenge put before us all.”
~ Libby Bray, “The Sweet Far Thing”
I dropped the letter into the box at the post office and when the door clanged shut, relief flooded through my body. For three months I had held his words in a sacred place in my heart. They had begged for release from the moment that I first received them. This was the final leg of our journey together. The messages were on their way to his intended recipient. I had kept my promise to Ryan.
Ten days. That was the total amount of time that I knew Ryan, and his family, when he was a patient at Children’s Hospital. Ryan died in October of 2003 from complications secondary to his diagnosis of stomach cancer. I was his nurse on the day that he was admitted to the hospital. I was also at his bedside when he died ten days later, surrounded by his family and a multitude of friends. He was seventeen. The letter that I wrote for Ryan happened more than seven years after his death. The promise that I made to him was through messages that he passed onto me from the other side. Ryan was very much alive and he wanted me to be his voice.
In December 2010, I struggled with many emotions after having left my twenty-five year career as a pediatric oncology nurse two months earlier. For most of my life, my identity had been wrapped up in being a nurse. In fact, I wasn’t sure who I was when I wasn’t a nurse anymore. I floundered, my head barely above water. What difference had I made in the lives of the families that I had dedicated myself to for all those years? So many of the children had died and their families were left with grief as their constant companion. There was no escape from the grief when on a personal level, I also watched my husband fight his way through the aftermath of the death of his daughter. The fingers of depression wrapped themselves tighter around me and threatened to pull me down into a deep abyss.
As I crawled my way through the darkness, I saw a glimmer of light in my growing connection to Spirit. Hope and faith battled against depression but for now, there was no clear winner. I had just completed my second series of classes with an energy therapy called Healing Touch. I felt moments of pure joy when I meditated. My vibration increased when I connected to Spirit. It was during one of these moments that Ryan found me. He was very patient as he tried to connect with me. I had a difficult time understanding the pictures and thoughts that he placed in my head. He was very determined and once the connection was made, he sent messages through in rapid fire succession.
Ryan spoke to me with great compassion. We are all here for you. Your troops met me when I first arrived. The little boy who you love was one of the first. I saw Jeffrey, another of my patients, holding his hand, leading him to a large group of other children and teenagers. I had an especially close relationship with Jeffrey who had died two weeks before Ryan.
You have no idea how many hearts you have touched, how much healing has occurred because of you. You turned pain and fear into love when you cared about us and our families. By reaching out, you made a difference and its effects continue even today. It is like the ripples that happen with a drop of water. You are the the drop of love in the middle of the ocean of souls. This is all because you love so deeply and continue to allow your love for us to be a daily part of your life. Then a group of the children stepped forward. My stepdaughter, Lauren, was with them too. Collectively they sent their thoughts to me with one voice. I understood that they would always be there for me, supporting me. My troops on the other side.
Warriors of love.
At first, there were messages just for me but later Ryan focused on someone that he kept referring to as “Robbie”. It was critically important to him that I pass these messages on to this person. Over and over Ryan stressed that I had to promise that I would make sure that I found Robbie and pass on the communication that I had received. The moment that I promised, the information began to flow even faster. I had a much clearer understanding of everything that Ryan said and I understood how I was to find Robbie. He showed me a note that his mother has sent to me after his death and then he magnified her name so I could see it clearly. It was Diane G.
It is very, very important that you make sure that my whole family knows that life goes on after death, no one really dies. I heard everything that you said to my family after I died because I was still in the room. I stayed with every one of them when they left the hospital. I hoped that one of them would see or hear me but even when I couldn’t get through, I just stayed beside them. All of them. I was able to be with many people at the same time. Your presence greatly affected my family. Your words carried energy that they received. I saw it move in waves from you to them.
At this point, I sensed a change in Ryan. I’ll bet that you didn’t know that they named kids after me. He said this like it was a really cool thing. Earlier he had spoken as a wise soul but now he was kind of silly and goofy. I felt like this was the personality of Ryan the teenager, a scaled back version of the enlightened being that he had become. All the little kids see me. He showed me images of children giggling when he made faces while he played with them. Animals see me too. Some people feel me. His eyes seemed to twinkle. Sometimes I will make songs play that have special messages. Almost everyone wants to believe it’s me but they won’t let themselves.
Please make sure that you tell Robbie everything that I said. It won’t be easy. He won’t be happy that I have asked you to talk to him. He’s a hard head and wants to talk to me himself. I have come to him but he is too stubborn to allow himself to see, hear or even feel me. He KNOWS that he has felt me but questions himself. I will come to him when he is able to be in a place where I can speak to him directly. Right now even when I shout in his face, he refuses to acknowledge that I am there. He writes things off as coincidence and then starts to think that he is crazy or that he is making it up. That is why I came to you. Remember, you and I have a deal. You promised.
And then Ryan was gone.
The next day I sat down at the computer and began my search. I didn’t know who Robbie was but I had a name for Ryan’s mom. Based on the messages that I had received, Robbie was either Ryan’s brother or someone that he referred to as a brother. I immediately found Diane using the Facebook search engine. I sent her a message and while I waited for her reply, I looked through her “friends” list. There were a lot of people with the same last name. One of them was named Robbie. I didn’t know it back then but when Spirit wants to facilitate something important in your life, they will make it easy for you. You feel like you are in a magical flow of energy.
By the end of the day I had talked to Ryan’s mother, sister and even his cousin. His mom said that his brother, Robbie, was in Australia and would soon be married. No one was sure whether or not Robbie would talk to me. Even though Ryan had prepared me for this possibility, it was difficult to wait to hear from him. That night, Ryan returned in a dream. He didn’t stay for long. In my message for my brother, I talked about forgiveness. That is my job now. I work with souls on both sides. Forgiveness from the Earthly realm facilitates soul expansion. The path to love is through forgiveness.
About a week later, I pulled a card from my “Power Card” deck by Louise Hay. “I am willing to forgive. Forgiveness of myself and others releases me from the past. Forgiveness is the answer to almost every problem. Forgiveness is a gift to myself. I forgive, and I set myself free.” I felt like Ryan was speaking to me through the card.
When days turned into weeks and then finally months, I contacted Ryan’s mom again. She knew that I had promised her son that I would deliver the messages directly to his brother. I wrote a letter to Robbie in March of 2011 and sent it to his mom. She assured me that he would receive it. There were no guarantees that he would read it.
I am including a few excerpts from my letter to Robbie. It feels important that at this time now, Ryan’s words are heard by more than his brother. He, and other spirit messengers, have walked beside me in a journey where I have found love through forgiveness for both my father and my mother. Last night, Ryan came to me in a dream for the first time in almost four years. The troops are with you. The time is right to share our story. Now you also have stories of your own about forgiveness. Share those too.
March 28, 2011
I am sure that your family has told you that I promised Ryan that I would deliver his messages to you. It is very important to me that I fulfill that promise.
Ryan said, “You never die . . . just that, you NEVER die. We continue on in a different place that exists at a different vibration. We continue to learn and grow and help and LOVE. I am here because this is what I signed up to do before I ever came in to our family. I can make a bigger difference here than I ever could have made there. You wouldn’t believe how many souls that I can help, that I have already helped. There is just so much love with forgiveness.
You must work on your anger. You are angry about everything. Brother, let them see your heart. You are not really mad, you are in pain. It makes you a strong person, not a weak one, to be able to let others see your pain. It requires tremendous courage to step forward and talk about pain. The anger and walls do not chain off your heart from hurting, they simply don’t allow people to see the man that you are. Be brave, I will support you. I will always have your back. Please, please, let your walls down and let your love come out to surround everyone you come in contact with. You have so much to give and you are wasting precious time that you have to love those in the physical. The only lesson anyone really needs to learn is to love and be loved.
It is different here. The physical plane called Earth is a school of learning. We all have different lessons to learn but they all direct us to love. The Earth school is full of pain and suffering but there is also great love and joy. Learn the lessons of love. No one ever dies. We will be together again.
Open your heart to move through the pain. With your heart wide open, it won’t be an invitation for more pain, it will allow the constricted space to soften and expand. The pain will be released and there will be more room for love.”
In Light and Love,
Ryan Joseph G. July 26, 1986 ~ October 8, 2003
“Spirit Messenger for Forgiveness”
To maintain the privacy of their family, Ryan’s mom asked me to not publish their last name. I have also changed Ryan’s brother’s name. I wanted to be accurate in my portrayal of this young man’s messages to me. He has played an integral part in my own journey with forgiveness. His mom provided me with the original Facebook messages and I referred back to a copy of the letter to Robbie which fulfilled my promise to Ryan.
Open your heart to forgiveness. There are spiritual messengers waiting to help you find your way.
~ until our paths bring us together again ~
You may read about Jeffrey, the little boy who took Ryan’s hand in the post below.
Originally published at katedelodovico.wordpress.com.