Raising Christian Children
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Recently, I had the opportunity to read through Family Driven Faith: Doing What It Takes To Raise Sons and Daughters Who Walk With God by Voddie Baucham. Baucham is a man whom I have admired for a few years now. His teachings have pushed me further into learning about Christianity on a deeper level. With a wife and three kids, it only makes sense for him to have a book on parenting, so for this article, we’re going to look at some key elements from his book that are crucial for Christian parents who wish to raise their kids in a faith-based home environment. If you’re a parent already teaching your children the word of God, then I highly commend you. If you are new parents and want to start educating your children, I hope this helps.
Be Careful How You Walk
So then, be careful how you walk, not as unwise people but as wise.
Ephesians 5:15 (NASB)
As parents, your kids aren’t only going to watch what you do, but they’re also going to watch what you don’t do. If you are a Christian parent who hardly ever engages in your walk with God, then you shouldn’t expect your children to walk with God as they grow up.
“We can try to teach them to do as we say, not as we do, but our words can only go so far when they are contradicted by our actions” (Baucham, pp.39–39).
If they don’t see their parents frequently reading the Bible, discussing the Bible, or being active within the church, children aren’t going to be as interested at a later age. If they constantly see that either mommy or daddy never wants to join church events, then they will think they’ll never have to go, either.
On the flip side, kids will indeed watch how their parents act in their daily lives. If kids hear their parents using foul language, they’re also going to start repeating those words in public places. Kids are always mimicking what they see and hear on TV and in movies, so it only makes sense that they would also imitate what they experience at home. If a boy sees his father treat his mother poorly, then so will he. He may also treat other women, and young girls, poorly as well.
For young newlyweds who plan on having kids later in the future, it is a good idea to work on any struggles you may have at the moment. The last thing you want to do is fix your issues after having kids because it’ll be much harder to do. For instance, if you are someone who constantly uses foul language when angry or frustrated, work on controlling your tongue. If you’re someone, like myself, who struggles with a lack of patience, it’s best to learn by putting yourself in a position that forces you to become patient. Having kids means you will need a ton of patience and you can’t start getting frustrated at them for whatever reason, so start prepping yourself now.
When it comes to being a husband, I have to be more careful about what I watch, listen to, do, or say in front of my wife. If I am to be the Christian leader of the household, I need to set the example of a proper Christian leader. However, I can sometimes fall into the pit of hypocrisy when I don’t do as I teach. I know the Apostle Paul can certainly relate to this (Romans 7). For example, I’ll still say things I shouldn’t say or my attitude may be that of a pagan. These are things I need to continuously work on, but it definitely helps to have a spouse who can hold you accountable for your actions, as well as having conviction from the Holy Spirit.
Aside from my attitude, it’s important to also safe-proof your home. I don’t mean having rubber corners on your counter or caps on your outlets but safe-proof your home from unwanted entertainment. In order to best prepare for having kids, I’ve chosen to avoid unbiblical movies and shows the best I can. Occasionally, my wife and I will watch a horror movie together, but that’s as extreme as it’ll get, and that’s something we would only do with each other. Never with kids around. For the most part, I have more of a desire to watch animated and live-action family films. That’s the great thing about owning your own movies because now you’re in charge of what you and your family are exposed to. They can’t go on Netflix and accidentally watch something inappropriate.
A great resource for parents is the MovieGuide app. It’s $1.99 to download, but it’s a great tool for Christian parents. It tells you everything that is in the movie, whether it’s language, sex, bad behavior, and violence. It also explains a movie through a biblical worldview, which is also something kids need to learn at a young age.
Teach a Biblical Worldview
“If we do not give our children a biblical worldview, they will simply follow our rules while they are under our watchful eye, but as soon as they gain independence, they will begin to make decisions based upon their worldview” (p. 74).
So what is a worldview?
A worldview is exactly what it sounds like. It’s our view of the world through a particular lens. In life, it’s either going to be a secular worldview (Secular Humanism) where the world tells us what to believe, accept, and affirm, or it’s going to be a biblical worldview (Christian Theism) given to us by God.
Just because you may call yourself a Christian, it doesn’t mean you have an understanding of a biblical worldview. In fact, according to Baucham’s book, researcher George Barna found that “less than 10 percent of self-proclaim “born again Christians” in America have a biblical worldview.” There are certainly plenty of people who claim to be Christian but have accepted the view of the secular and progressive world.
“A young man or woman who was raised in a “good Christian home” goes off to college and loses his cotton-pickin’ mind! What happened? It’s actually quite simple; the restraints were removed, and his worldview took over” (p.74).
So why is it so important for our kids to have a biblical worldview?
There are going to be a lot of instances in a child’s life, especially during the teen years, when our sons and daughters will need to have a clear understanding of what is from God and what is from the world. When you have a biblical worldview, you are able to see everything in a different light. Whether it’s a book, a TV show, a movie, academics, politics, or music, it’s good to know what the Bible says about a particular issue.
“God, man, truth, knowledge, and ethics. Teaching our children to think biblically in these five basic areas will go a long way toward establishing a foundation for biblical thinking in their lives” (pp.76–77).
Secular humanism says there is no God, humans evolved, truth is relative, knowledge is based on science/materialism/naturalism, and ethics varies from culture to culture.
Christian theism says God is real, humans were specially designed, truth is absolute, knowledge is based on scientific/general/natural revelation, and ethics are absolute.
So the questions kids need to ask themselves are, what do they believe about God? What do they believe about man? What do they believe about truth? What do they believe about knowledge? What do they believe about ethics?
In other words, how are children able to make a defense of the Bible, as stated in 1 Peter 3:15?
This “defense” is what we need to teach our children.
However, one of the big problems, Baucham claims, is that “many Christian parents today don’t have enough Bible knowledge to teach their children.” Although that may be true among many parents, it doesn’t have to be your case or any parents’ case. If you are able to read the Bible, you can then teach the Bible to your kids. Start off with some more familiar stories such as Adam and Eve, Noah, Moses, Joseph, and Jonah. Read through those stories and ask your kids questions about them. What did they learn from those stories? What was God trying to say? How do those stories apply to our own lives? By reading through the Bible, our children’s view of the world will drastically change, but it all begins with reading the Bible.
Read the Bible
When I was 8 years old, my parents gave me my very own Bible after I got baptized in 1998. It was The New Adventure Bible: The NIV Study Bible for Kids. It was the first Bible I ever had aside from the children's Bible, which was essentially just a picture book with 80 or so pages. This was the Bible that I always took to church. I even had a blue heavy-duty polyester carrying case for it with pockets filled with pens, bookmarks, and sticky notes.
What I loved about this Bible was that it was fully loaded with pages that helped kids understand what they were reading. There were some timelines, trivia cards, highlighted verses, devotionals, and historical facts. It was a great Bible for a young new Christian child like myself.
The mistake that many Christian parents make is that they give their child a Bible and either expect others to teach them about it (i.e. Sunday School teacher) or they expect their children to want to read from it on their own. In a world that is dominated by tech gadgets and a society that has allowed phones and tablets in the hands of children, kids are going to have shorter attention spans and less interest in reading a book, let alone reading the Bible.
One of the many memories that I had as a child was reading the Bible with my mom before going to bed. Instead of reading a bedtime story, we’d sit in bed and read through the Book of Exodus. For whatever reason, I was always drawn to the story of Moses. At the time, Exodus was my favorite book of the Bible, so each night, I would knock on her bedroom door to finish the book. We’d end on one chapter and read the next one the following night. This continued for some time, but it eventually came to an end as I got a bit older.
However, I can’t say that there are too many parents out there who have the desire to read the Bible to their kids. To some, reading the Bible can feel more like a chore or it can feel too complex (or both). However, Baucham says that reading the Bible to your children is ‘home training basics.’
“I have since discovered that there is a home training manual. It is called the Holy Bible. God has given us everything we need for life and godliness, and that includes training and teaching our children… He wants us to know how to raise our children” (p. 96).
The first question we must ask is, how can the Bible help parents raise children?
According to Baucham, the Bible is our source of wisdom, righteousness, direction, and hope.
“We must get our kids into the Word of God if we intend to get the Word of God into our kids. It won’t happen by osmosis. (p. 97)”
The second question is, why is reading the Bible so important?
First, according to Baucham, the Bible is the very Word of God, which means the Bible has power and authority over us. Second, the Bible is God’s primary tool in preparing us for a life of godliness and service. Third, the Bible is an agent by which God conforms us to the very image of Christ. Fourth, the Bible is a change agent, which means the Word of God has the ability to change hearts. Parents can try to reach that stubborn child all they want, but they can’t reach them the way the Bible can.
Allow Your Kids to Ask Questions
Wanting to raise your kids in a good Christian home is great, but parents have to always remember that their kids will never stay young forever. It’s easy to just give them a Bible, sing them cute Christian songs, or take them to Sunday School and VBS, but eventually, your kids will grow up. As they begin to grow and mature, they are going to have a lot of questions about life and the Bible. This means that parents need to do two things: 1) know the Bible and 2) allow for questions.
Baucham provides four rules for parents to follow regarding this topic.
- Give children permission to ask biblical questions.
Parents need to be able to allow their kids to ask whatever questions they want and how many questions they want. After hearing so many questions, there are some parents who might say, “Well, that’s just what the Bible says” just to get the kids off their back, but kids need to feel that they can go to their parents for answers. “We must demonstrate a genuine willingness and desire to hear our children out” (p. 100). - Validate your child’s honest biblical questions
When your child comes to you with a question, you don’t want them to feel as if they’re asking a silly or dumb question. Validate their question with something like, “That’s such a great question” or “You know, I’ve also always wondered about that.” If your kids always think you’re going to laugh at their questions, they won’t come to you for any more questions. - Answer your child’s biblical question
Aside from letting your child ask a question and validating your child’s questions, you then have to be able to answer those questions. Baucham writes, “A child who is encouraged to ask biblical questions and has those questions validated but unanswered may get the idea that the Bible has no answers or that his parents don’t” (pg. 101). In other words, parents, know your Bible. - Teach your children to answer their own questions when they can
It’s great if a child comes to an adult for questions, but it’s also sometimes good for kids to figure things out on their own. Teaching kids how to problem solve will go a long way and it will ultimately build critical thinking. A great way to teach your kids critical thinking is to encourage biblical reading. Let your kids know that reading can be fun and that there are plenty of biblical books that can help them on their journey. Parents, it’s great to have a collection of popular children’s books, but also have a collection of Christian children’s books that’ll help your kids think biblically and understand the Bible.
Pray With Your Kids
One of the hardest things for Christians to do is actually one of the easiest things for Christians to do. Praying together is probably something many families struggle with. Sometimes parents feel as if they are too busy to pray, they might forget to pray, or they may not feel the need to always pray, but praying as a family is perhaps the most important method of biblical training you can do for your kids.
“It is important for us as a family to acknowledge God whenever we can… It is also important that we instill habits of holiness that will have a lasting influence on our children” (pp.42–43).
So how can parents get into the habit of praying?
Mealtime
One of the best times to pray is, of course, before eating a meal. Not praying before a meal isn’t going to cause God to punish you in any way. He’s not going to smite you or cause you to choke, as my dad says, but it’s a good habit to get into because parents should want their kids to have a sense of gratitude. As the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Either someone worked hard to prepare the food or someone worked hard to grow your food. Regardless of how your food was prepared, it’s also a good reminder that not everyone in the world is as fortunate as you. Not everyone can enjoy a hot tasty meal around the family dinner table in a nice cozy house. Praying before a meal helps kids appreciate what they have while also thinking about how God can bless those who may have less.
Times of Crisis
Aside from being appreciative of what we have, we also need to have empathy for those who are struggling. If you turn on the news, you’ll hear stories of war, death, disease, poverty, crime, political division, and so much more.
As parents, we need to teach our kids how to love others as our neighbors. Just because someone is struggling hundreds or thousands of miles away, it doesn’t mean we shouldn't pray for them. Sometimes, it’s not even hundreds of miles away. Sometimes it’s in your own town.
Parents also need to teach their kids to pray when their lives become difficult. When bad things happen to us, we sometimes tend to blame God or solve issues based on our own understanding, but kids need to know that they can still talk to God and that they should still talk to God in times of crisis. Kids need to know that God isn’t only available during all the good times, but also during the most challenging times.
Special Occasions
Growing up, my parents would always pray when they hosted a gathering at our house. Regardless of who it was, they would always say a prayer before our meal. Even though the majority of our relatives aren’t Christian or may not believe in God, they still bowed their heads and closed their eyes to show respect.
Every Christmas, before we open our presents, my dad always says a prayer to thank God for the current year and to pray for the following year. It not only shows a sense of gratitude but also provides a reminder of why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.
Whatever the occasion may be, whether it’s a birthday, graduation, wedding, holiday, or any major life milestone, we should always pray together as a family.
Avoid Legalism
“It is very important that we live by biblical standards. However, it is equally important that we continually examine those standards to ensure that we don’t fall prey to legalism” (p. 87).
Most parents want what’s best for their children, but sometimes those very loving parents fall into the trap of religious legalism.
What is legalism?
The dictionary defines legalism as “dependence on moral law rather than on personal religious faith.”
Have you ever or anyone you know been to a church where they forbid certain activities, actions, or appearances?
For parents, they want to protect their children from the secular world, so they prevent them from doing any sort of activity that might lead to “immoral behavior.” That might mean avoiding school dances, having a strict dress code, avoiding specific types of movies, TV shows, and music, and even not allowing their kids to hang out with non-Christians. Though we don’t want our kids to fall into temptation, we can’t protect them from the world forever. Kids have to go out and make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. The more parents create a legalistic environment, the more likely their kids will become rebellious and purposely seek out sinful things. Parents definitely have to set some moral guidelines that are based on biblical principles, but they should never enforce their moral rules out of fear.
Look for a Church
Looking for a church is a big deal! It’s almost as big as finding a new home. This is the place where you hope to grow in your faith, build a new community, and raise your kids.
Oftentimes, when looking for a new church, parents seem to only look for who has the best childcare, the right size congregation, a good-sounding pastor, and a beautiful facility, but parents don’t always look at the bigger picture.
What parents need to do is look down the road 15 years from now. They need to ask themselves, “Will our children be able to grow in their faith at this church?” Unfortunately, the reality is that over 66% of young teens end up walking away from their faith by the end of their freshman year in college, between the ages of 18 and 22 (Lifeway Research). Though 66% may seem high, that number was over 70% back in 2007. Today in the United States, church attendance is on the decline and only half of Americans say they believe in God (The Catholic Report).
So what’s the problem? Why are teens leaving the church?
When we look at the infographic, we see that young people between the ages of 23–30 are leaving the church because of too much work from their job, political and social issues, lack of connection, feeling judged, dealing with hypocrites, and moving away to college.
Those are some pretty big reasons to leave the church, but where in that chart did you see people leaving a church for false doctrine, lack of spiritual growth, or unbiblical ideologies? Nowhere. When you look at the chart, it’s very self-centered. Everything is about what I want and what makes me happy. It’s not about God, the Bible, or truth.
Now, there’s a difference between leaving the church and leaving a church. The problem arises when you think leaving the church is better than finding a new church. If you moved to college, find a church near the campus. If your church members seem too judgmental or hypocritical, find a new church with fewer types of those people. If you don’t feel connected to the people, find a church where you do feel connected. If you disagree with the church’s stance on political and social issues, find a new church. When someone says they have too much work to do, that just means Satan is keeping them away from God by creating a new idol in their life.
All of these reasons are terrible excuses to leave the church. If you feel judged, then maybe you might be dealing with sin and that’s the Holy Spirit convicting you of that sin. If you’re avoiding church in college, then perhaps you desire to party and engage in sinful college activities. If you’re leaving a church for political and social reasons, it better be because that church accepts abortion and unbiblical relationships, not the other way around.
Yes, parents need to find a church that is great for themselves, but they really need to make sure the church will do a good job of not losing young Christians as they grow up in life. Just like school, the job of the church is to mold and prepare young individuals for the real world. Church’s need to get kids involved in discipleship programs, while also allowing them to become leaders in youth ministries. If kids are just attending youth classes and youth activities without actually knowing anything about spiritual discipline, then you can surely expect your kids to walk away from the church as they get older.
So find a church that is as passionate for their kids as they are for their adults.
Also, when looking for a church, find a church that promotes a biblical view of marriage and family, promotes family worship and discipleship, promotes Christian education, and promotes biblically qualified leadership.
Conclusion
I hope this post has been helpful for any parent or parent-to-be. It certainly helped me out as I was writing this article. Of course, we can read from all the parenting books in the world, but there is not one single book that truly prepares someone for parenthood. Oftentimes, parents will say to younger adults, “You have all these expectations or rules now, but wait until you’re a parent. It’s all going to change.” It’s fine if expectations change, but it’s better to go into Christian parenthood with all your tools and resources in your back pocket than with empty pockets. The last thing you want is to look down the road 20 years from now and wonder why your son or daughter isn’t a Christian anymore. If you want to learn more, I highly recommend picking up a copy of Voddie Baucham’s book Family Driven Faith: Doing What It Takes To Raise Sons and Daughters Who Walk With God.
