I’m Tired
Why am I? Why do I always feel tired? I am not sure. Well, after being in this class for three weeks it made me more aware than I thought I was. And it is not a bad thing. I think it is good being this tired to know what goes on in America when you are black. I have a long way to go and by being more educated on these topics about having a black life and having black skin. It is quite upsetting to know that throughout history your people is always disrespected and will probably be like that for the rest of life and in history. It is truly tiring.

As I mentioned before in my past blogs I have a Filipino mother and a black father — the cultural dynamics between the two is very interesting. Growing up when I was in elementary school, especially in the first grade because that is when I came to the U.S. it was very difficult getting use to the “American” culture. It was hard for me to understand why people do certain things and not the “Filipino” way. In school, I was looked at differently because I would do things like taking off my shoes before I walked on a carpeted area, wash my arms very thoroughly before I ate, called certain things in a different language, and the list could go on about things that I did that was not “American.” After reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “The Arrangers of Marriage” it made realize that I could relate to the story. It was not the arranged marriage part, but the way the main character had to be corrected by her new husband because he is an American. Her food and her language did not matched hers obviously since she is Nigerian. But, I understood the frustration that she went through because he corrected her on using her native language and the way she cooked.

It was really a bother and so annoying because it was hard for me to know anything. I was tired of being corrected on, I was tired of being laughed at, I was tired of being looked at weird, I was tired of being questioned, I was tired of people thinking I am stupid because I knew nothing about the “American” way. I am still tired about it to this day. It got old. Throughout the reading, I was so bothered because of the main character’s husband because I received those type of comments from before. People need to understand that there is really no “American” way to do things or say things or make things. It does not exist.

I felt like everything was bad. I was too young to understand why things happen that way. It was tiring. That is all I can say about my experience of trying to understand two completely different cultures. I never knew how to act in a certain situation. At some point I did wanted to feel “American” or being very patriotic, but it did not feel right to me. I just knew that I felt more comfortable with the Filipino culture and the language. I just know that I do not want to be corrected anymore. The frustration builds up over time and it becomes overwhelming because you are not sure if you are going to be corrected another time. I am tired.
