Thanks for the reply although I would have a few issues (admittedly, coming from a limited, CIS/white/male knowledge base, but fully accepting stance on LGBTQ+):
From what I see in society (again Ireland may be different to the US, but I’d guess we are further behind), but there are two ‘levels’ of homophobia and transphobia. One is that of generally being weirded out, often this is the older, more conservative generations, and less so in the younger. This seems to be an issue of ignorance rather than hatred and, in the case of homophobia, is slowly receding.
The second is bigoted, hate-fueled aggression, which stems from not just ignorance, but from something else.
The second group is going to hate gays, trans, blacks, foreigners, etc, no matter what. Campness, drag acts, blackface is not a factor.
The first group though can be cured by curing their ignorance; once they realise that gay, trans, black, people are just regular people that fancy people of the same gender, have non-conforming genders, or darker skin.
This has already happened for many people in regards to black people or gay people, but as you say, the trans cause is still far behind. If the majority of what they see of trans people is drag acts hamming it up on America’s/Britain’s got talent, that slows the process of accepting trans individuals as people, in the same way that blackface and minstrel shows have been detrimental to black rights. I have never seen a drag act that doesn’t poke fun of the fact that the performer is a guy pretending to be a woman (sorry if that is a crude description, I know for trans people it is not ‘pretending’).
I really disagree that it is a hatred of femininity. As a straight guy, I don’t know any straight men who dislike femininity. The bacon/pumpkin spice latte example doesn’t hold up. There are plenty of ridicule towards masculinity — bros, men and their power tools, fast cars compensating for penis size etc are all very common stereotypes.
I think some of the violence towards trans women, and also gay men, compared to that of trans men and lesbians in that men are in general more violent. So when the hate-fueled, bigoted men above feel their masculinity challenged it is by trans women and gay men and not by lesbians and trans men, it results in violence.
Lastly, while trans women’s opinions on the drag issue is of upmost importance, it is not the only opinion that counts. If the goal is to change the attitudes of CIS white guys, you need some insight into how CIS white guys act and think. Many who are in the weirded out group, will not tell a trans woman that she freaks them out, but will be much more open with other CIS white guys.