what i learned about myself this year.

i’ve always been the person who knew what she wanted to do in the future. i took all the classes i thought were necessary in high school and tried to aim for what i thought was my ultimate goal: to become a doctor. that dream soon changed as i entered college, because i realized how much i disliked chemistry and biology. (organic chemistry? no thank you.) for the first time, i was lost, i didn’t know what i wanted to do or who i wanted to be. a year went by and i still was not sure what i wanted to commit to studying. honestly, the idea of committing to something for four years just sounded scary and wasn’t something i was ready for. so i settled for something i thought was safe and went with it.

little did i know, studying what you’re not passionate about is actually quite hard. did i enjoy learning about economics? sure. did i learn a lot? yeah, sure. was i happy, though? not entirely. this past year, i realized i lost my motivation and it scared me even more than just being unsure of what i wanted to study. but i also learned something: it’s ok to not know what you want to study or do in the future, especially when you’re only 20. yes, i know this seems like something everyone knows already. of course you don’t have to know what you want to study. but, as a person who knew what she wanted to do all throughout her life, it was scary. i guess what i want to say is, from a person who stresses way too much about everything, it really is okay to feel confused and lost at times. i promise you it’s not that hard to face the unknown. i can’t tell you it won’t be hard, because i’m facing that myself right now. but, letting yourself go may just be your first step to happiness.

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