Things to Never Forget
Never forget this deep feeling of loss. Yes, they have been killing us for longer than my great, great, greats could ever remember. And, yes, my heart has broken so many times that it hangs on its hinges. But this week, I think I lost a piece of my spirit. The part that hopes. I will never forget about the week when this left me.
Never forget the silence. There was so much noise, but the silences roared. I’ll remember the silence in the spaces I moved through. The way that our bodies, my body, was made political and risky. The way that the color of my skin was so glaring and discomfiting that it was erased and ignored. I’ll never forget the silences, or the abrupt noise at the death of white officers.
I see. I hear. And I’m a Black woman who feels. Like Jesse said, I’m real and magic at the same damn time.
Never forget that those men were consumed by the American public. That sodas were sipped to their executions. That they were quietly packaged as thugs and criminals, you know, just the “typical Black man” as if anyone could do something to deserve being shot down in front of his family. As if his son deserved to see his father killed before his very eyes. Note how they tried to tuck them into that narrative that says their lives don’t matter. #Blacklivesmatter
I’ll never forget my weariness, my exhaustion, the way that my whole future was called into question. I’ll never forget the solidarity that I felt within the Black community — the spreading of love and support even in the midst of grief, hopelessness, and anger. Some Americans have managed to ignore the murders of multiple Black and Latino people and continue to perpetuate racist rhetoric. Until white law enforcement lives were taken. Then outrage. Then sincere sympathy and respect. Only then.
Remember the feeling of imminent loss — of wanting to account for your loved ones at all times.
This week is etched on my soul. It makes me want to bask in my Blackness, to flaunt it and taunt with it. To dare. If the future seems foggy now, like I can’t see a future America, I guess I’ll just have to find my own way. I’ll have to throw off my own chains. After this week, I refuse to use my life to serve any institution that would not Say. Their. Names.
#AltonSterling
#PhilandoCastile
#MelissaVentura
#AnthonyNunez
#PedroVillanueva
#RaulSaaverda-Vargas
