Just Do, Even If You Are Shaking With Fear

Freelance journalist and Squad user Jess Katz wrote about her experiences with dating apps in The Huffington Post.

I sat in the car with my best friend, basking in the air-conditioning that was saving us from the blazing Texas heat. We had a lot to catch up on since she moved out there, and we spent the hour-long drive talking about the patterns of our lives. For some reason, we always experience a turning point in our lives at the same time, as if we are parallel sisters meant to face change together. We were talking about going after our dreams, even though neither of us were sure what those were.

“The best decisions I’ve ever made in life was always when I just did something, even when I wasn’t sure it was the right thing for me to do,” she told me.

We are always being told to do the right thing, to think before we do something. The pressure to be perfect is insurmountable, and the fear of making a mistake can stop us from doing anything at all.

After my conversation with her, my motto became, “Just do, even if I’m shaking with fear.”

Fear is debilitating and if we let it take over our lives, it will do just that. At the end of the day, all anyone ever wants to know, is that they are good enough. Many of us waste years seeking validation from other people, while holding ourselves back from what we really want — all out of the fear of rejection.

This is true for all areas of our lives. We don’t apply to our dream job because we are afraid we won’t get it. We don’t move across the world because we are afraid we aren’t smart enough. We don’t go to that party, because we are afraid we won’t know anyone. We don’t ask that person out, because we are afraid they won’t be into us.

In our tech-obsessed world, the fear of rejection in dating feels like it’s shifting our culture. Terms like “hookup culture” and “swipe culture” are common norms we talk about with our friends.

Dating apps take our fear of rejection to another level. Getting a match doesn’t necessarily mean the person you matched with is interested in you. We live in a world where “ghosting” is considered the norm. Sometimes we swipe to boost our egos, but when it comes to putting ourselves out there and letting someone know how we really feel, the fear of rejection often becomes too much.

Everything is too accessible, which in turn, makes everyone more inaccessible. People are bombarded with dating options, but when it comes to real commitment, many run in the other direction. We are afraid of missing out, of losing someone, of getting hurt, of being rejected, of feeling like we aren’t good enough.

Dating is broken on many levels, but there are dating apps that are working hard to combat these issues by making dating less intimidating, while also reducing our fear of rejection.

Group dating apps, like Squad, recognize that humans are wired to feel more secure in groups. For example, we feel more comfortable riding a bike for the first time when there is someone with us to mend our scraped knees. We feel more comfortable to hit on someone at a bar when our friends dare us to, as opposed to speaking to someone who we are interested in when we are sitting alone.

While technology is a big contributor to why our generation is more afraid of putting ourselves out there, technology also brings us closer together. It helps us cope with the new way today’s dating world functions, and helps us connect with others, while working hard not to lose sight of ourselves.

Thinking back to the time my friend and I spent in the car, wondering about our lives is really eye-opening. We were filled with passion but didn’t know where to put it. She is now fulfilling her dream of being a teacher and I am moving across the world to chase after my dream career of becoming a professor.

I don’t want to waste a second of my life being afraid of putting myself out there in any area of my life that I am chasing after.

F*ck rejection and just do it.