Divorce made easy(er) with mediation: five reasons to mediate

Jennifer Jank
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read
Good divorce advice might be to go to mediation. Photo by Debby Hudson via Unsplash.

Divorce doesn’t have to end in a long-drawn-out court battle or drain your finances. There are other, often less expensive ways to get a divorce, including mediation.

“An ounce of mediation is worth a pound of arbitration and a ton of litigation!” — Joseph Grynbaum

What is divorce mediation?

Here a neutral party helps you and your spouse reach an agreement. The two of you, with help from the mediator, will come up with your own plan for parenting, dividing assets, support, etc.

You won’t have a judge telling you what to do, because the court doesn’t get involved.

You and your spouse can make the best decisions for you and your specific family.

About the mediator

The neutral party in this arrangement has been trained to be just that, neutral. They will not favor one spouse over the other, and will give equal time to each.

Their job is not to tell you what to do, or provide the solution for you.

However, they can certainly tell you what other couples in your situation have done if you get stuck. They’re there to facilitate an agreement between the two of you, and usually have also been trained to defuse an emotional or turbulent situation.

Mediators can be family law attorneys, but they don’t have to be. Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ® (CDFA) professionals can train in mediation, as can therapists. If your major differences are about the finances, you might find it helpful to go through mediation with a CDFA practitioner. If you’re having difficulty with emotions, or your children are, maybe a therapist who does mediation is a good choice.

Once you’ve reached an agreement, you’ll need to have it documented and submitted to the court. If your mediator is an attorney, they can handle all of this for you.

A non-attorney mediator can write up the specific points of the agreement, but an attorney will be needed to draft and submit the official document. Normally the mediator will advise you to run the draft by your own attorney first. They also usually have someone they can recommend for the document preparation.

Benefits of divorce mediation

  1. Cost plays a big role here, as it is less expensive to go to mediation than to litigate. Some mediators offer package pricing, so you don’t have to be concerned about the hourly fee. However, if the mediation fails because you can’t reach an agreement, you may have to go to court after all.
  2. Depending on how willing you both are to reach an agreement, the mediation process often takes much less time. You can work through the process more quickly.
  3. No one likes to be told what to do! If you go to court, the judge will make decisions for your family. In mediation, you both participate in the creation of the settlement. Therefore, both of you are more likely to comply with the terms you agreed on. It’s not a guarantee of compliance, but it often is better than a judge’s order.
  4. Mediation is private. Your mediator can’t disclose anything said to them while in mediation to an outside party. They generally want the two of you to be open with each other, however.
  5. If you have children, this type of dispute resolution is often easier on them. The process is more peaceful, even with a high conflict personality.

Couples who will likely benefit from mediation

If the split is completely amicable, and you agree on everything from the parenting schedule to the asset division, you might not even need a mediator. You could just go to court and file the necessary forms.

If it’s amicable, but you can’t reach agreement on a certain point, or you’re not sure how to divide something equally, mediation is a good choice. For example, if you are not sure how your proposed settlement for the house will affect your finances going forward, a CDFA mediator can run projections for you to show you how it will work.

If you have a complicated financial situation such as a family business or multiple rental properties, a mediator who can provide or refer you to valuation services will be helpful.

However, you don’t have to have an amicable break for mediation to work. Mediators are trained in handling these types of situations. They ensure both parties are heard, and that the settlement is workable. Both sides can have attorneys and go to mediation.

If one party has been abused by the other (in any way: financially, physically, or emotionally), mediation can still work, but look for a mediator who specializes in these types of situations.

Summary

Mediation can be a cost-effective way to handle your divorce. Trained mediators have different backgrounds, and one may match up better to your needs than another. This process may be easier on the whole family. In addition, different types of couples can benefit from using this alternative arrangement.

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Jennifer Jank

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Content writer extraordinaire. https://desertdivawriting.com/ I’ll help you shine online! Love to write, love entrepreneurs too. Put personality in your words.

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