Here’s why setting expectations is important.

Imagine you’re standing somewhere surrounded by people. All of those people are looking at you. You don’t know why, but they are. Maybe they want something from you? Nobody said anything. But they’re looking. You try asking the guy closest to you a question. No response. He just stares. A woman in the back checks the time, then continues looking at you. Another woman rolls her eyes. Still, some people look like they’re smiling. Or maybe it’s a frown? Not sure. Did you hear someone sighing heavily behind you? Or was that a yawn? Tall guy on your left glances at his watch and shifts the balance to the other leg. You notice a few people standing with their arms crossed. They don’t look happy. Actually, not many people look happy. Most of them look… Bored I guess? Some look frustrated. They’re still looking at you. You still don’t know why. Is there something on your face? Did you forget to put your trousers on? Is it that dream where you’re taking a test at school and you realise you’re naked? What’s going on?

This is what anxiety feels like. Your brain translates noise into signal, and interprets it as a threat. Not setting explicit expectations can feel like this in an anxious brain: I’m new in this role, I don’t know what I’m doing, everyone’s watching me, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.

Now imagine the same scenario, but this time there is one friendly face, one person you can talk to. They’re smiling, and nodding, and answering your questions. Why are we here? We’re playing a game. What game? Football. Why are these people looking at me? You have the ball. What do I do now? Kick it.