I don’t want to care about prestige, but I do
Over the summer, it’s somewhat inevitable to start thinking about the future. Studying for the GRE, considering grad school options, racking up on summer classes to graduate on time, working a summer job to save up, wondering if the traditional path is right for you, looking at tangible financial options… The list goes on.
With these thoughts come flooding feelings of responsibility and endless questions I must ask myself.
Should I do what’s best for me in 10 years or prioritize the longevity of my happiness? I know where I go to grad school matters to society and job placement is much easier after going to a highly accredited university. However, I don’t want to get sucked into a mindset where monetary accomplishments define my success and my grades reflect my abilities. Going to a mediocre school, living an extremely happy life, and contributing significantly through my work experience sound like a great way to go for me. I prefer the simple joys in life and want to enjoy every second of my life to its highest potential. I don’t mind working a job that doesn’t give me a lot of money, but it allows me to help tons of people each and every day. But what about 15 years from now when I’ve taken time off work to take care of my kids and I can’t find a job because the school I went to for higher education isn’t widely recognized? I know I can always get by, but having a strong fallback plan is so important. What if there’s another recession? Creating this foundation is more tangible now than any other time because I have the lowest amount of responsibility today than I will ever have. This is also the time to have fun and enjoy my 20s. What do I do? Which step is more crucial to take? I’d much rather have a well-sustained happiness, comfortable lifestyle, and help lots of people over the corporate titles and luxurious lifestyle with no one to share it with. But, I need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. What if my husband leaves me or dies and I have to raise my children all alone? What if loved ones fall into poor health and I need to assist them financially? I need a solid backup plan, but at what expense?
What about the people still fighting adversity who don’t have access to the opportunities I’m lucky enough to be able to act on right now? I NEED to do it for them. With the course my life has taken from where I started to where I am now, I can help SO many people. I have an incredible perspective on life’s difficulties because of all that I’ve been through. I can help people who are lost and in need. I can help eliminate the institutional discrimination that created so many setbacks for me. I can work on systemic policy change in education reform so others receive a more well-rounded education than I did. I can be a teacher so the students neglected by all other systems are accounted for. I can provide support for individuals who don’t have anyone else to turn to. I can help people get out of and potentially never experience all I’ve suffered through. Our system is corrupt and I have the opportunity to change the system. With these duties, I must stay focused, fight, and follow through. It’s not about me, it’s about everyone else before and after me. It’s about those like me who never got the chance. I love you, I will do this for you, you deserve better than you got. I will serve you right because those who should have didn’t.
I acknowledge my privilege everyday, but it’s not enough.
Why am I letting my privilege take so much precedence in my decisions over my roots? When did I become this person who doesn’t try my hardest to actively appreciate how rare the resources available to me are? And why am I not handling it with the weight and delicacy it deserves?
Why am I not fully utilizing the endlessly rewarding path right in front of me for myself, but more importantly for others?
Why don’t I put as much work into something that can open so many doors for me in all ways? These doors open access to resources that can help more people than I could ever imagine helping right now. Why is that not enough incentive?
I know what I need to do. The system has just crushed me time and time again, there’s nearly none of me left to go around. I have to fight for better when the exact systems I want to fix are working against me. How do I break out of this? Is my purpose to serve in this way and fight for the change? Am I better on the sidelines? Where do I even begin making changes? I try and move forward, but these setbacks don’t stop. It’s like I’m running toward something I can never reach because any and all systems that exist are working against me. Minorities are not favored in our society. Will they ever be? They need to be. Can it be me, a minority, who can help this change or will it have to be someone of privilege who has more ability to get people to listen?
Days are long, years are short.
These decisions are hard to make and it takes time to really consider all options and what really is best. I can say I’m definitely very overwhelmed with the choices I have to make in the time I have to make them, but I know I have a good head on my shoulders and am confident the path I choose to take will be the best one for me as of now.
Be stubborn with your goals, but flexible with your methods.
I will keep my mind open to shifting my path, if need be, as my life progresses. Maintaining this mindset has been crucial to my success throughout the course of my life because things are continuously changing. Getting hung up on this doesn’t benefit anyone because all it does is take energy away from handling the alteration.
Keeping these things in mind in the highly transitional points in my life help me stay grounded. I hope it does the same for anyone who reads this. I know it’s unnerving, but you are not alone. Trust your judgment; you are your longest commitment and you are the one who has the deal with the repercussions of your actions. Be okay with the decisions you make and embody them to the best of your ability. Of course easier said than done, but that’s all we can do and it has to be enough for ourselves and those around us. I believe in myself and all others! You can do anything you put your heart and soul into.
