Body Positivity — How I Learn to Love My Body
I gotta say, if I had a dime on every fat jokes people make about me, I would be filthy rich!
Growing up, I was always that tall and big girl, with curly hair, and slightly dark skin, in a bunch of petite, straight haired, yellow and fair skin girls. So, yes, growing up was hard for me, emotionally.
Being judged physically by people, even the people that really close to me, is something that I face all the time. I was bullied just because of my curly hair. And I remember then I hate my hair so much, I never wanted to let it grow long.
Obviously, they also bullied me because I was taller and bigger than the rest of my classmates. I did everything, even to the point that I starved myself, just to fit in back then. But even then, it’s harder for me to lose weight than most of other people.
Up until I was in my first year of college, I actually lost quite significant weights. But turns out, I still hate my own reflection in the mirror. I never saw myself “pretty”, and it made me overcompensate about it with another things.
It was at that point I started to oversexualized myself, and thought that if someone wanted me sexually, then I would feel pretty. I threw myself to people that wanted me; and lusted over my body. I thought that these things would help me feel good about myself. It worked at first, up until I finally fed up. That moment of my life was horrible, and not helping me to love myself.
So, after that, no matter what I did, it was never enough. I felt that I never became the person that I could love. I would always heard the fat jokes people made about me, and it’s still hurtful no matter how much I wanted to just shut it off from my brain.
The journey to finally feel good about myself was very long, but I finally got there. It was when I accepted the fact, that a person really could be pretty in their own way. That your quirks, your weirdness, knowledges and intellectuality are what make you pretty. That pretty is beyond size or how you look.
I finally started to accept every inches of my body and see it in another perspective. Yes, I am fat. Yes, I have curly hair. Yes, I have muffin top. And, yes, I am taller and bigger than any girls generally. But, hey, I do have my own things that other people don’t have, and I’m embracing it, bit by bit.
Don’t get me wrong, building my self esteem was hard, and even now I’m still learning to love myself more and more. But, seeing myself in this new perspective, and have a positive image that I can finally look up to, actually help me more than anything. I motivate myself to be better as a person, more than just a physical object. Now, I work out for myself, and not because I want to impress other people anymore. And, everything just get better when you love yourself first, rather than trying so hard to impress other people.
For every women, or every people, that facing the same problems, and despise yourselves so much because of how you look, I will say to stop being so hard about it. I do know how hard everything make you feel. With the beauty standards that the mediocre medias make; all that slender figure, or six packs tummy, or thigh gap pictures everywhere in the media, it’s actually making it harder to love yourself just the way it is. But, it won’t stop, no matter how hard you tried to avoid it.
Stop comparing yourself with anyone else, and start to value yourself more than just an object that people will find beautiful. If you feel the urge and need to change, do it for yourself, don’t do it to please other people. It will not help you to feel better, and it will rather make you feel even worse when it doesn’t work as you expected. Embrace every inches, every stretch marks, just everything in your body; those are the proofs of your lifetime struggles and sacrifices. Lastly, you are beautiful, no matter who you are and how you look! ☺