My secret of Confidence and how you can have it too!!
I fell in love when in 2004. It was one of the best moments of my life. A young boy falling in love with a beautiful girl.
But there was a problem. She was not just beautiful, she was god level beautiful.
Now — bigger problem.
How to begin talking to her?
I felt so weak and inferior in front of her.
There was nothing in this world that could have convinced me that I could ever go to her, ask her out without getting rejected.
It was not just my inferiority complex. When I looked at myself, I couldn’t see one reason why she would talk to me.
I was a small city boy whose Father just got transferred to a big city. I was still in the process of adjusting to the high end life of the city, of which I was not familiar.
I had too much competition. City kids were well dressed and knew their way around the city. They looked accomplished and were smooth in English speaking. It was natural for a small town boy like me to feel inferior and weak in front of them.
Worst problem was that I was way to shy to ask anyone to solve my problems. To people who met me I was introvert and they had labelled me that.
It felt that my personality had a problem, not only that, it has a name as well - Introvert. It appeared I was helpless and there was nothing I could do because I was born that way.
“Am I supposed to live a life like this”, I thought.
I started looking for solutions.
And as Jesus said — “One who seekth, findth.”
I soon found my solution. It just appeared in front of me. Like an pop up ad on the chrome browser.
I was preparing for competitive exams. So I would buy magazines every week and try reading them. They didn’t interest me much but I would do it because everyone who had to break in competitive exams, got to read them.
One of those magazines was Competition success. I remember I was standing at the magazine shop one day and was browsing the content of the magazine when my eyes fell on one specific line on the magazine. It said —
“To be more confident in front of other people, you need to have more knowledge than them. More the knowledge, more the confidence.”
It is true as a matter of fact. If you know more than the person in front of you, you will be more confident.
Lack of knowledge was the main cause of lack of confidence.
Damn it, why didn’t I knew that before. I said to myself.
Knowledge and confidence are directly proportional.
You increase one, the other increases on its own.
It is though not vice versa. You can’t increase confidence, then expect to knowledge to increase on its own. That would be absurd.
However, they help each other as you move along.
You gain knowledge, you get more confidence. After you gain confidence, you will be motivated to gain more knowledge and venture into world of knowledge you otherwise wouldn’t venture.
That was epiphany for me. I didn’t buy that magazine so that advice came pretty much free for me.
I took my scooter and went immediately to a book shop and bought few self help books that seemed to remotely help me in my problems. I wasn’t a good reader but people, that day, I decided to become one.
Within a year, I remember I had finished all the books in the self help section. I still remember standing in front of the self help book section and wondering what book to read next. There was no book left that I hadn’t read in that section. I moved to the Management section later and started reading CEO biographies. It was a great feeling to know that I had finished all the books in the self help section.
A year later after reading that quote, and reading numerous books, there was a major shift in my personality.
My dressing sense changed. My talking sense changed. I was much cooler. I knew how to deal with people. I got way too many friends, more than I could handle. People admired me and praised me everyday.
My life changed after that.
And I did what I never thought I would ever be able to do it in my life ever.
I got to talk to that girl.
Well, my apologies, I am lying. I never had guts to talk to her.
She CAME to me and TALKED to me.
She wanted to know about the book I was consulting. During the class that day I solved a physics question in a different manner than what was written in our books. Months back, my cousin had gifted my books of Feynman Lectures which were not available in India at that time, I got additional help from there.
So after the class -
Someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned and there she was. I pretended really hard that it was normal for me to talk to beauty queens like her but inside all the organs of my body had already started over working. Heart was racing and my mind had worked so fast in such less time that it finally got tired and stopped working.
That five minute conversation with her was the greatest achievement of my life. I treated myself with a cold drink and Potato Patties that day.
Romans and countrymen, I achieved it. I had gained confidence. It was all because of knowledge.
So now, whenever I feel lack of confidence, I immediately get in the process of increasing my knowledge.
I don’t do jobs so I spend two to three months every year reading books, watching movies, learning a new language, listening to new songs or trying to know about a new subject and then hustle as a freelancer, earn a lot of money and do whatever I want to do.
People always ask me,what is the secret of my confidence — Well, people, it is knowledge.
So You better Start reading.