Conversation about Love
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on this blog before but I drive for Uber. I do it to fund my other stuff. About 2 hours ago I had a conversation with an older woman. When she came into my car she was complaining about standing in cigarette smoke and asking me if she smelled like it. I noticed she was pretty good looking but in the sense that she was once really good looking, if that makes any sense. I guess MILF is the term, although I dont think she has kids. She looked tired maybe from a hard life or a hard night, maybe both. After some banter our conversation shifted towards this:
E “Im trying to save my friend shes fallen madly in love with this guy”
Me “Whats wrong with that?” “thats awesome, well if its mutual i guess”
E “Yea its mutual on his terms” “love is a terrible thing”
Me “What do you mean, I think its amazing” “you should be happy for her”
E “no youre young you dont understand” “youve only experienced the good of love” “youve never been with someone whom youve shared so much with and thrown it all the way” “when that happens several times, then youll understand” “Take this advice from me” “When youve created a life together, have shared eachothers familys and have lost everything youve ever known, youll understand what im telling you”
Me “I dont think ive ever fallen in love”
That was a lie. I shouldve said ive never fallen in mutual love. A love that is reciprocated in both directions. Ive never had that.
E “How old are you?’
Me “Im 22” “how old are you?”
E “Your still young! Im 42 (or was it 46, cant remember)” “Youll fall in love” “itll hit you” “its this sort of spark that happens when you meet someone” “you cant explain it and it doesnt make sense” “its this connection that just happens” “itll happen to you” “you’ll fall for some crazy girl and you’ll be with her and you wont even know why” “And your heart will be broken over and over again”
Me “Let me say something and you can call me naive or young, but this is what I think. Theres nothing more beautiful and courageous than someone who has experienced such tremendous heartbreak, as the situation you were describing, and allows themselves to love again and again. Someone who holds hope and allows themselves to vulnerable. I think those are the most powerful people. The most courageous people.”
Thats the damn truth. I think the people that open themselves up, the people that pour their souls into something, someone, and express themselves are the strongest people there is. These people give the world ammunition to their weakest areas. They strip themselves down and say to the world: “this is what I believe in and these are my goals, this is how I truly feel about you, these are my emotions right now.” They break down their pride, their ego, their walls and expose themselves they say “yes this is what I am, what do you think?” Then the world either cuts them deep, with ridicules, rejections, laughter, or it embraces them, it opens up to them, it yields to them. Regardless these people continue to open themselves up and stay true to their beliefs. That is the kind of person I strive to be everyday. Its the person I want to be. Someone with fierce compassion.
E “thats amazing, thank you for saying that” “I think so too” (i cant remember what else she said)
We talked a bit more about how she was going to start grad school at 40-something. About how she had found something she truly enjoyed. I congratulated her. I was legitimately extremely happy for her. I love when people are doing something they're passionate about.
We got closer to her place
E “Steven I want your….”
and I pulled into the wrong area. She freaked out a bit because she thought we were going to get hit by cars. I told her to hang on, that it was ok, as I reoriented myself. It was funny she was really jumpy. She had me wait until she confirmed the coast was clear. Then she had me drive about a car or two length in the opposite lane. I told her she was crazier than me.
Me “what is it that you were telling me” “You said you wanted something of mine”
E “I want to keep in touch with you but nevermind I probably shouldnt, its probably a bad idea”
Get your mind out of the gutter ;)
Me “Not at all thats cool with me”
She took down my phone number and sent me a message. I sent her something innuendoish to try and see where her mind was at. That’ll be interesting. She had this idea that I was doing something amazing in life and that I would be do something amazing with my life. Im not sure where she got that idea and thats probably the sole reason she wanted to keep in touch now that I think about it.
But I think so E. I really do think ill be somewhere amazing in the near future. Hopefully still being vulnerable, still being exposed, still allowing myself to show my heart with a non-extinguishable fierce compassion.