Self doubt

As hard it is for me to write this, I’m going to write it anyways.

Because if I eventually make it this will be critical, and if I end up failing this will be beautiful.

My whole mind is fighting back at me

“NO! you know exactly where you’re going, you KNOW you can become the greatest!”

but if that’s true, mind, then why do you chase different things? Why are we not hyper focused on being the best fucking businessman/entrepreneur/whatever of this generation?

That’s because you know that’s not you’re end goal. Your end goal is to shift the world in a positive direction.

Then why do I flirt with doing things that I like to do? For me? That have no real effect on “the world”

But you love creating, remember? and risk and challenge and all the things that encompass “entrepreneurship”

That’s true but life keeps smacking me in the face. I feel like I need to change something. Or is it beyond my control?

I wonder if it isn’t the right choice instead of doing something “creative” making art, making films, creating stories. Or why do I flirt with dreams of becoming an amateur boxer?

Why do I think that I have time to date? To be with someone?

I said I would stay true to myself. I think I am. But what is myself? Am I afraid? Why am I reluctant to go back to my former self of hyper focus? Am I lazy?

Sometimes I’m on top of the world while other times I’m so low.

But I know I’ll pull through.

Ok you win, you win willpower, you win unrelenting optimism.

You’re right. Life is easy.

Just do what you have to do, it’s easy!

Goodnight, I love you.

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