A cheesy epiphany
I lie tired on my bed with knees and elbows scraped from the last night’s gym activities as the morning steadily unnerves itself with burning sunshine masquerading over the poor landscape. My lower back hurts and my hands can’t be moved, but I walked such a distance in the quest of finding another way to brutalise my body. Sometimes I wonder why I hate my body so much, but then it hits me, maybe it’s not hate, it’s just pure, unadulterated love which makes me want to push myself further and further to cross barriers which are unheard of in my life. But those barriers have a drastic toll on my life and this constant pushing and hating and troubling leads to my intense sadness. Maybe this is something which each one of us face in our lifetime, or maybe it’s just a "phase" or maybe it’s something caused by the absence of "positive" thoughts in our mind, but whatever the cause, the effect is quite significant. My mind wanders into uncharted territories by thinking about my sadness and the intensity of the harm it does which is, constantly pushing myself down in order to achieve something I have never achieved before has had it’s tormenting effect on me. The muscle aches and body cramps are just the beginning of the story and mere physical brutalities faced by my soul, whereas thousands of untold stories lie in the deepest vortex of the chambers of my life and all of them are shut down completely without an opening.
Then I think of his smile, his beautiful deep eyes and his magical words, his eloquent mannerisms and charismatic charms engulf me in my unwell mind. His steady arms holding onto a ball and tossing it onto the deep black sky in the night with a laugh blooming on his heart the entire time. The way he runs in joy as someone tries to catch hold of him and his unending talks about various things with intense passion, love which is unseen in most. Those cracks by his cheeks when he smiles and his eyes crinkling up when he talks. Beautiful! These plain sights suddenly make life slightly more appealing.
Now one maybe wondering which magical teenage boy I am desperately in love with, and who is this one who makes life suddenly so much worth it. What surprises me is that I am not talking about anyone in particular, in fact might not even be a boy, might even be a girl. Yesterday while coming back from my brutal agony of the gyming experience I take, I saw a sweet child in the bustling crowds of Mumbai, with no parental supervision or any type of command over him, truly free, playing in the street, with a ball, which was as torn and ragged as his clothes. His eyes sparkled in the night sky, brighter than any star in the sky, twinkling in the moonlight, enough to bright up an entire morning. His laugh contagious and bewitching, with his pearl like teeth glistening in the night environment. A few other children lay next to him on the footpath, and came running in circles after a short while with specks of laughter bouncing up and down in the air, making the night merrier by the second. Probably his life wasn’t that perfect, well, far far from perfect with no way to accumulate food on his plate. But the pure, unadulterated happiness his face showed was enough for any hurting person to heal. The sight of him made me realise that maybe life wasn’t so bad after all, there were moments of sunshine in absolute darkness where you see this ignited incandescence which lights up your entire body and soul and make sure heart sing even though it’s hurting. One can even call it an epiphany. This 5 year old beggar child and his happiness was my epiphany. He brought life into me and suddenly made me realise that maybe, just maybe, even after all your disturbing plights, life was worth it.
I stood there watching him for a while, till the night grew deeper and the traffic grew smaller and his happiness slowly subsided. I couldn’t fathom why the happiest soul on Earth was now growing tired by the hour, because according to me, he was my god, the one who enlightened me. His movements slowed down and he pranced around the foot path with lazy footsteps and he slowly dropped to the ground with a heavy body and even heavier eyelids. I stood there till his eyes closed and his little snots were heard and in that time of minutes, I realised that in the darkest night also, my sun had risen and set, to show me that good things and bad things come and go, periodically, and even though it is the corniest thing I can say in this piece, life was worth the struggle.