Self-Sabotage
Before you read this, check out the opening story about an eagle believing he was a chicken until someone pushed him off a mountain and he had to fly:
http://agilelifestyle.net/self-sabotage
I read this story and it got me thinking… am I really my own worst enemy? And would you look at the irony in that? I mean, we go around preaching against our self-acclaimed haters, engraving our walls with positivity quotes and trying to prove to our audience that we are indeed ‘living our best lives’. But… are we?
That voice in your head — you know, the one that you hear when you look in the mirror or when you are contemplating whether or not you should apply for an opportunity, or when there’s a new event you need to attend, or most of all, when you are scrolling through social media — yeah, that voice… who is controlling that voice? Who is speaking? Is it you? Or is it your insecurities and fears? Your pride, maybe? And what is that voice saying? Does it speak the truth? Your truth? The present truth? Or does it lie to you? And finally, do you let yourself believe that voice? Is that voice the epitome of your existence?
Raise your hand if you look for ‘flaws’ when you look in the mirror every day.
Mmhm.
Raise your hand if you find yourself deflecting compliments that people give you.
Mmhm.
Raise your hand if you’ve forfeited an opportunity because you told yourself you wouldn’t qualify even if you tried?
Mmhm.
Raise your hand if you find yourself comparing other people’s social media pages to yours to see if you’re still an eye-grabbing king or queen?
Mmhm.
If you didn’t relate with any of the above, that’s good for you, really, but I’m not done with you yet.
Raise your hand if you find yourself constantly trash-talking other people?
I’ll wait.
Raise your hand if you find yourself looking for flaws in other people that are looking and doing great.
Mmhm.
Raise your hand if you find yourself frequently saying negative or discouraging things to people.
Mmhm.
Raise your hand if you struggle to give compliments because you genuinely feel threatened when someone close to you is successful in appearance, work, education, etc.
If you still didn’t raise your hand, congratulations! You’re either a liar or you’re really living your best life as you are your own best friend! Let’s hope it’s the latter.
If you raised your hand for some of them, most of them or all of them, this post is for you. I’m guilty. You’re guilty. We’re all guilty but we are not far from salvation. Awareness is the first step on this journey of growing pains. We could blame this on the environment in which we were raised and the experiences we have had, or we could set our pride aside and realise that this is self-sabotage, and that we are our own villains.
We all go through growing pains. You see, a caterpillar can’t turn into a butterfly if it chooses to remain a caterpillar just to be the best caterpillar among all the other caterpillars. You need to be willing to grow, even if it means you go out of the limelight for a while and engage in some introspection.
Do you really love yourself? Do you cheer yourself on even when nobody else is? Do you validate yourself before seeking it from others? Do you even need to seek validation from others?
By challenging ourselves to adopt positive habits, we would soon become our own best friends and put an end (or a really long pause) to this self-sabotage expedition.
Instead of looking for ‘flaws’ when you look in the mirror every day, tell yourself how good you look! Confidently acknowledge the features you love. You may feel silly the first few times you try but as you keep doing this, you’ll encourage your mind to believe it. And when you feel good, you look good!
Instead of deflecting compliments that people give you under the façade of humility (oh, please!), accept the compliment, believe it, and thank them for voicing out their admiration. There’s nothing endearing about a person who makes a conscious effort to reduce their shine to appear humble.
Instead of forfeiting an opportunity because think you wouldn’t qualify even if you tried, take the time to assess your situation thoroughly and honestly. Do you have the necessary skills for the opportunity? Is it something you see yourself doing? What are the pros and cons of trying? It’s natural to be anxious about such things. It’s what saves us, even, from painful death and trauma. However, you need to remember that,
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt,
Instead of comparing other people’s social media pages to yours and feeling inadequate in the process, how about you just stop? Too extreme? Okay, let’s break it down. Assess yourself. Do you feel a tinge (or a tidal wave) of insecurity when you go on social media? If yes, it’s time to detox! Unfollow all pages that make you feel this way, and gradually go off social media while you regain your self-confidence. When you do return to social media, follow pages that inspire you or make you happy. If you must compare yourself to anyone, compare yourself but with the intention of learning from your role model to improve upon aspects of your life that genuinely need improvement. And do this with love.
Stop trash-talking other people. Stop looking for flaws in other people. Stop saying discouraging things to other people and stop making the conscious effort to hold back compliments because guess what? The more you decide to be blind to the beauty in others, the more you are blinded to your own beauty.
That creature with horns isn’t sitting on your shoulder or in a shrine poking holes in a doll that coincidentally looks like you. Honey, no. That creature isn’t even a creature. It’s a voice that lives in your head. It is insecurity. Acknowledge it, befriend it, tame it, and transform it into a voice that encourages you to love yourself as much as possible!
The only haters you should be paying attention to are the members of the self-sabotage committee that meet in your head. Because,
Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? — Abraham Lincoln
