You Chose Joy

Thank you for being happy for me. For sharing in my joy. My first pregnancy was so miserable. I was so unprepared. But this one seemed like a second chance. This time I was ready. I could enjoy the life growing inside of me!

I wanted to tell you right away. It was hard to keep a secret. I couldn’t wait to swap stories about our little ones kicking and rolling in our bellies, commiserating about heartburn and sleepless nights.

But I wasn’t prepared for what you had to share.

I was sure our little ones would grow up to be best friends. They would learn together in Sunday School, swim together at church camp and play together on sports teams. They would share secrets and jokes. Stick up for each other against bullies.

I never imagined that my little boy would be in the nursery alone.

I never thought I would be looking into a tiny hole in the ground, for a tiny box that held a tiny baby.

My heart hurt for you.

But I was also scared. I was scared you would hate me. That my round belly would remind you of what you no longer had. I was so afraid that I almost didn’t tell you. I wanted to keep it a secret. But I knew that I could only hide my bump for so long.

So, one night, as people started filtering out of the church, I pulled you aside. I told you what I was so afraid to say. Then I waited. I waited for the tears. For the anger. For the hatred and resentment.

But it didn’t come.

You were happy for me! You were excited about my growing family! You told me that secrecy would have hurt so much more. I don’t think I could have respected you any more than I did at that moment.

And I made the decision to share my pregnancy with you. I knew I couldn’t change what happened to your baby girl, but I could share my blessing with you. I couldn’t erase the pain you were experiencing, but I could bring a little joy into your life.

I will never forget how you treated me during my pregnancy. I won’t forget how you make my baby boy smile. How he loves to babble when he sees you. How he prefers you over almost anyone else. I won’t forget how, in spite of your pain, you chose to share joy with me.