Don’t Let Perfectionism Steal Your Joy!

Last week, I took a big professional leap that had me brimming with joy and anticipation. I sent an email to my list of business contacts, announcing a preview of a new coaching program I developed to help introverted professionals become more powerful leaders. I spent months creating the program, finessing the flow, building out content, and creating materials. And if you know me, you know that I had proofread every piece ad nauseum and borderline-obsessed over every detail. Once I hit the send button, I exhaled deeply and trusted that I had shown the world my best effort.

And then after dinner that night, this happened: My husband said, “Uh, Stace, the business email I got from you today starts off with, ‘Hello Chazin.’” Rather than populating the greeting with his first name, my new automated email system had plugged in his last name. After some panicked sleuthing, I discovered that this was the case for everyone on my list.

It turns out that when I uploaded my contact list, the headers on my columns were wrong. And I missed it. The proverbial wind beneath my wings dissipated, and I felt deflated. What a bust.

I sulked for about five minutes, took several deep breaths, and made the conscious decision to let it go. The me of years past never would have been able to do that (and likely would still be stewing about it as you read this piece). So what happened? In short, I refused to let my perfectionism steal my joy.

The Illusion of Perfection

In a world that often demands perfection, it’s easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism, as I did for most of my life. Often disguised as a noble pursuit of excellence, perfectionism is a deceptive illusion. The relentless quest for flawlessness, sometimes reinforced by the people and culture of the places we work, can lead to constant dissatisfaction and anxiety, turning life into an endless checklist of unattainable standards. The truth is, perfection is an elusive mirage, always just out of reach. And until we realize that, it can leave us feeling inadequate and joyless.

How Perfectionism Can Steal Our Joy

The relentless desire for perfection sets unattainable standards that, when not met, lead to a cycle of self-criticism, anxiety, and unhappiness. For example:

• Never-ending standards: Perfectionism sets the bar impossibly high, creating a never-ending cycle of standards that are difficult to meet, if not entirely unattainable. As you inch closer to one goal, another even loftier expectation emerges. This constant escalation can be emotionally draining, leaving little room for genuine satisfaction or celebration of achievements.
• Fear of failure: Perfectionism often instills a paralyzing fear of failure. The anxiety associated with the possibility of making a mistake can lead to procrastination or avoidance of challenging tasks. This ultimately can inhibit creativity, innovation, and the willingness to take calculated risks — all of which are essential for professional growth and fulfillment.
• Impaired decision-making: The pursuit of perfection can create decision paralysis. Fearing that any decision might not be flawless, perfectionists may find themselves stuck in a perpetual state of analysis and indecision. This hesitation hampers progress, innovation, and the ability to seize opportunities.
• Diminished sense of accomplishment: Even when you achieve a professional goal, your perfectionist lens can magnify any perceived or real imperfections (like it did for me last week). Instead of relishing your accomplishments, you might focus on what you could or should have done better, overshadowing the sense of pride and fulfillment that you deserve.
• Strained relationships: The unrealistic expectations placed on oneself can spill over into expectations of others at work, leading to strained collaborations and a lack of appreciation for diverse perspectives. This, in turn, can create a tense and joyless professional environment.
• Burnout and exhaustion: The constant pursuit of perfection often leads to burnout. The relentless drive to meet unattainable standards can result in chronic stress, exhaustion, and a depletion of physical and mental well-being. This burnout not only diminishes the joy derived from professional accomplishments, but it can also impair long-term career sustainability.
• Missed opportunities for learning: Perfectionists tend to view mistakes as failures rather than opportunities for learning and growth. By avoiding risks and challenges, perfectionists might miss out on valuable experiences that contribute to their development — hindering their potential for groundbreaking achievements.

A More Joyful Alternative

Instead of falling prey to these traps of perfectionism, we can try, as I did last week, to let ourselves off the hook for getting it exactly right, and embrace the imperfect moments that make our work and our lives truly meaningful. If you’re game, consider giving the following strategies a try:

• Celebrate (yes, celebrate!) mistakes: Flip the way you think about mistakes — try viewing them as stepping stones on your path to growth and learning. Rather than seeing errors as a reason to criticize yourself, celebrate them as opportunities for improvement. Each misstep is a chance to refine your skills, deepen your understanding, and build your empathy.
• Embrace “unfinished masterpieces”: Life is a work in progress, and so are we. Instead of fixating on the end result of a professional or personal endeavor, relish the process of becoming (e.g., I, Stacey Chazin, am becoming a trusted leadership coach for introverted professionals). Understand that every unfinished masterpiece has its own allure, telling a story of resilience, determination, and the beauty of imperfection. Give yourself permission to be a masterpiece in the making.
• Find beauty in chaos: Life is messy, unpredictable, and wonderfully chaotic. Rather than seeking control over every aspect (says this recovering control freak), find joy in the spontaneous, the unplanned, and the messy. In the chaos lies the beauty of authenticity, real connections, and the unpredictable adventures that can make our life and work truly remarkable.
• Cultivate self-compassion: Perfectionism often stems from an inner critic that relentlessly demands flawlessness. Replace this self-criticism with self-compassion. Understand that it’s okay to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to be a work in progress. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding that you would offer to a dear friend or valued colleague.

Well, there you have it. My thoughts on how perfectionism can steal our joy, and some steps we can take to flip that script. Full disclosure — I am absolutely still a work in progress (an unfinished masterpiece, if you will) on all of the above, and I’m okay with that.

This recovering perfectionist encourages those perfectionists among you to think about how you can also give yourself some grace in this space. Celebrate your wins, learn from your mistakes, and remember that work and life are works in progress. By shaking off the shackles of perfectionism, you might just open the door to a more joyful and fulfilling professional adventure. Cheers to finding your joy amidst the challenges.

I am currently accepting applications to take part in a low-cost preview offering of my new coaching program, “The I-Factor Leadership Coaching: Empowering Introverts to Lead.” There are three spots available, and applications are due Friday, December 15. Click here to learn more and apply.