The tale of two water closets
Separate is not equal when it comes to the restroom. Subjugating women and trans people starts at the restroom door and it is time to stop and end this stupid debate, once and for all.
I don’t know how things work at your house, but at my house, my husband, my son, my daughters, guests to our home, and I all use the same bathroom. Absolutely anyone that comes to my home is welcome to use our restroom. I only ask that you please replace the toilet paper roll if it runs out. It is such a major bummer when you realize mid-stream that you have nothing to wipe with. Is it different at your house?
Let’s take this common sense approach to home bathroom etiquette and move it out into the public arena, shall we?
Some observations I have made about public restrooms are, there is always a line for the women’s room, but never for the men’s room. The women’s room is always a disgusting mess. The women’s room never has adequate supplies like toilet paper or hand towels.
You may have seen a man waiting outside the women’s restroom for his wife or girlfriend who he typically greets with, “what took you so long?”
The official answer to this question is, “it’s complicated.” The complications for the ladies’ room begins with the line to get in. Unlike their male counterparts who typically mosey up to the first available urinal, complete their elimination, hopefully, wash their hands and happily end their restroom visit, women begin their restroom visit by waiting.
Once a woman arrives at an available stall, she must first clean the stall (as the person who used it before may have left urine on the seat, toilet paper littered about, and God knows what else.) Once the stall cleaning is complete the battle to remove enough clothing to comfortably eliminate waste begins. This is followed by the elimination part of the festivities. Then she will need to wipe and attend to any feminine needs that may be required. After all of that, she must wrestle her clothes back on and attend to the needs of any children that might be with her. Finally, she may wash her hands and exit the restroom.
Doesn’t that all sound so seductive? Well, that is why it took so long in the ladies’ room.
The process for women is simply longer. When gendered restrooms are constructed with equal square footage, women end up waiting in long lines while men breeze through quickly and easily. To add insult to our urinary tract injury, women use the restroom more often than men.
I am not going to lie, I have broken down and used the men’s room. Not one time but, on many occasions. I have used the men’s room in some of the darkest and dankest music clubs in New York City; where men’s rooms sometimes do not even have doors, but who cares when you have to go? Right? Any harbor in a storm.
My favorite bathroom to use is the family restroom at the mall or in Target stores. These bathrooms are ideal for the entire family to use. This eliminates the worries about sending my young children into a restroom alone. Trans people do not scare me. My child, alone in a public restroom without me there to assist if they get confused or stuck halfway through the project scares me.
A typical family restroom consists of a single restroom with a solid door that locks. This allows the entire family to enter, eliminate, wash hands, and leave together.
I cannot think of any good reason for all bathrooms not to be family bathrooms. The unisex restroom will revolutionize how we go.
Even at work, there are bathrooms that are not gender identified. Anyone may use them. What a convenient thought? Just like at home. See a bathroom, use a bathroom. No gender police required. No disproportionately long lines at the ladies’ room. No waiting. No judgments. And certainly, no one being attacked.
I wish I had a dollar and an air sickness bag for every time I hear someone say “they don’t want women and children getting attacked by a trans person using a bathroom.”
If you ever find yourself within a mile of a place where you feel you might be attacked in a bathroom, I want you to run fast and far away because you are in a dangerous place and you can find a public restroom in a safer neighborhood. Okay? Just go. It has nothing to do with trans people, it has everything to do with being in a crime-laden area and you should leave. Immediately.
Again, I have peed in the men’s room in nightclubs and music halls in the largest city in the United States and I have never been attacked by anyone. And I wish I could tell you this was a few and far between event, but it wasn’t. I did it often. A lot. Enough to say with some level of certainty that being attacked in a restroom is pretty unlikely unless you started a fight before you entered the restroom. Or maybe if you start a fight while you are in a restroom. Wait, why are you starting fights in restrooms? There is no need for that.
Look the moral of the story is separate is never equal and we all have to go, so why not go together? One restroom for all and all for one restroom!