Communication: Work in Progress
A Lesson in Failed Communication and the Bridge of Trust
Back in December I recommitted to writing. Writing makes me happy. It’s also been productive.
I’ve been asked about my process. Topics typically start as a note on my phone. An idea or tangled thought I don’t want to lose. This article started as a note, questioning why communication breaks.
There are many resources for improving communication. In less than two minutes I found…
This Harvard Business Review article with helpful tips,
This Masterclass focused on communicating effectively and authentically,
This free online Harvard course focused on negotiation,
This free course from Stanford School of Medicine focused on teaching technical writing, and
This blog from Merrill Research, which teaches non-verbal communication, body language and micro-expressions.
This note got me thinking about the different ways we communicate and when I have done it well, or not.
A Time I Failed to Communicate
I was 18 and playing in a co-ed volleyball league. Volleyball requires strong communication. Like other team sports, there’s signaling between coaches and players, reading of the opposing team, and in-game communication. Watch this epic clip to see and hear great volleyball in action.
I was playing the 5 (left back) position. This was a position I knew well, and one of my jobs was to cover the hitter in front of me. So when the left front (4) jumped to hit, I followed close behind, ready to ‘dig’ the ball if it got blocked. When a block occurs there are 3 possible outcomes.
The ball hits the floor, and the other team gets the point.
The defensive player digs the ball, keeping it in play. This is the goal.
Another possibility is that the hitter, after the block, reaches back to try and hit the ball, again.
This third outcome is not ideal, though it can happen in the heat of a game. As a 5, behind the 4, the hitter cannot see you, so it’s helpful to let them know you are there (loudly!)
But on this Sunday night, playing co-ed rec league, I did not.
The guy (4), physically bigger than me, hit the ball.
He got blocked.
I was there. But I did not let him know.
He reached back. And hit me.
HARD
Like…break my nose in 5 places hard.
Could I have prevented this? Possibly.
Though, we’d also never played together before. Audible communication may have helped. Though trust, not yet established, could have broken this transfer of information whether I said anything or not.
I found this definition of effective communication, which I quite like.
Effective communication is the process of exchanging ideas, thoughts, opinions, knowledge, and data so that the message is received and understood with clarity and purpose. When we communicate effectively, both the sender and receiver feel satisfied.
In this volleyball moment, there was zero satisfaction on either side. He felt bad. I went to the hospital. (I also recovered and played many more volleyball games after.)
But undoubtedly, this moment was an effective communication fail.
The Communication Bridge
Let’s talk more about the importance of trust. Think of it like a bridge.
One side is turning thoughts into signals. Signals need support as they travel. The other side must be open to receive, acknowledge and understand, to then feel (and act) on a signal’s intent.
Each pillar is a potential break. An ineffective transfer or a breach of trust.
If your messages aren’t traveling, evaluate with these breaks in mind.
1/ Signal
We’ve all heard the phrase ‘think before you speak’. Gather your thoughts, consider who you’re speaking to, ensure your points are clear. Yet even the most thought-through signals can be easily missed.
Raise your hand if…
🙋 You’ve written a message and forgot to hit send.
🙋 You’ve missed a message, as it got buried in your inbox or went to spam.
🙋 Your phone call dropped, cutting off a critical moment of conversation.
All relatable examples to say, if you don’t get the response you want, check that your signal got through.
2/ Support & Acknowledgement
An important exchange happens at the middle pillar. The sending side must ensure the signal is strong. The receiving side must be open to hear/see. Let’s talk first about receiving, as this is quite simple and sometimes overlooked.
When I send an important message, I appreciate a response like this…
‘Hi Stacey, got your message. I’ll review and respond by [date].’
An acknowledgement, confirming receipt. Setting expectations and building trust.
This is helpful when messages contain sensitive information (legal, financial), decisions with big consequences (scope, resourcing, budget), or timelines requiring tight coordination of people (every cross-functional initiative, ever).
Consider this for “high-stakes” communications that may be adding stress on the sending side.
Acknowledgement can be helpful, but may not be necessary when next steps are known. For example, when sending a business review document, which often follows a predictable cadence (weekly, monthly, etc)
Let’s use this as an example to talk more about supporting your message.
Raise your hand if you’ve written a business review and thought…
🙋We have no issues. Everything’s perfect. We can all go home.
Mmm…no. Never.
And the bigger your organization (more complex and misaligned) the harder it is to make messaging clear. Not to mention whether you need a one-two-or-longer-pager, storytelling deck, images and tables, a post, an email, or inevitably…a meeting.
Business reviews come in many forms, though one format I had the privilege of learning years ago, made a lasting impression. This is the A3.
What’s an A3? An 11x17 sheet of paper, but also a business storyboard. A3 Thinking, is a way of discussing, aligning, and displaying information, in a concise and visual format. Getting from a blank template (like the Strategy Form here) to a business-review ready document (like the example in this article), was not simple. It was hard.
Like, many facilitated workshops to get cross-functional teams aligned to strategies, problems, opportunities, plans, and risks and then condensed neatly, to a single big page…hard. (No broken noses, though possibly some head-pounding in a more figurative sense.)
The format was rigid. Every piece of content needed to matter. And to logically flow. The end document though, a masterpiece of cohesive thinking and maximum persuasion, in every little box.
3/ Understanding
An A3 may look complicated, though the logic is simple. It answers these questions…
- What’s needed to ground everyone on this topic? (context)
- What’s happening now? (current state)
- What do we want to happen instead? (goal) And the difference between 2 and 3 is the ‘gap’.
- What’s causing the gap? (analysis, 3-step problem solving)
- What will solve the problem(s) or move us toward the opportunity? (strategies, bigger picture)
- What are steps should we take to move toward? (tactics)
- What may hold us back and what are we doing to prevent it? (risks)
- And when will we check back again? (follow-up)
This also works in any document format and can get you closer to understanding. Though understanding doesn’t guarantee agreement.
Trust breeds open ears and minds. And when absent, even the best signals still get lost in noise.
Let’s revisit the definition of effective communication.
Effective communication is the process of exchanging ideas, thoughts, opinions, knowledge, and data so that the message is received and understood with clarity and purpose. When we communicate effectively, both the sender and receiver feel satisfied.
Feeling satisfied may be getting the outcome you wanted.
It may also mean getting clear direction, where it did not previously exist.
On the receiving end, it may be feeling fully informed to make a decision, even when that decision is not unanimous.
Satisfaction does not mean agreement.
Thus, the need to check back and reevaluate, when new information is available.
This is continuous improvement at the core.
And like building trust…this takes time.
Challenge 4: Start Something Big
If you’re following my challenges, it’s time for #4! As a reminder, #1 was an art immersion, #2 was a plank challenge, and #3 was a reading challenge. Challenge #4 is to start something BIG.
With any big challenge, your first thought is, where do I start?
Starting is the hardest part.
For me, it starts with another note.
Growth Challenge #4
Ask yourself, what’s something big I want to accomplish?
And then, what are my current conditions and where am I with regard to accomplishing it? (context and current state)
And then, where do I want to be? (goal)
Define your gap. And start building a plan to close it. That’s step 1.
I have another note. Which I aim to turn into a book. One that celebrates the stories of women who take bold actions.
I am currently building the plan. And expect it to come with challenges. Though there’s no time like the present.
As with every big challenge, you have to start somewhere.
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