George and Amal Clooney Have The Audacity To Go “Normal”

Dear George & Amal Clooney,

I don’t know who you think you are. Whether it is sheer arrogance on your part or just plain contempt for the American people, I am shocked and disappointed by your reckless behavior. You gave birth to two beautiful babies and then go and give them “normal” names! What were you thinking?

I am not sure if you realize this, but celebrities are judged differently than regular folks. You can name your kids anything… yes, anything. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Their children, Apple and Moses, are the patron saints of celebrity baby names.

What about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden? They named their kid Sparrow James Midnight. Beyoncé and Jay Z whipped out Blue Ivy. Kim and Kanye took no prisoners naming their babies North and Saint. Oh, and don’t forget about Michael Jackson. He named one of his sons Blanket. Now that is original.

You have the freedom and the luxury to name your kid whatever the hell you want. Did you even consider Cheeto Robinheart, Paper Napkin Taco Bell, or Walla Walla Washington? If I named my kid Walla Walla, people would think I am crazy. However, when you do it, it’s considered creative genius.

Ella and Alexander are normal people names. Hell, I know math teachers and Whole Foods checkout clerks named Ella and Alexander. Did that biatch Anne Hathaway make you do it? She named her kid Jonathan.

You still have time. The ink on the birth certificate isn’t dry yet. Be more creative. America demands it! Oh, and congrats!

Fondly,
Stacey Zapalac

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Filed under: Humor, Parenting


Originally published at www.chicagonow.com.

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