The Difference Between “Feminism” and “Tulsi-ism;” and How to Overcome “I Just Don’t Know if a Woman Can Beat Trump”
I never paid much attention to politics until the evening of June 26, 2019, night one of the first debate. As a trial lawyer, I constantly watch and listen to the best lawyers, constantly working to improve my craft. I was on the trial team during law school, but to be honest, all of my lines were memorized and I was acting more than actually trial lawyering. Nonetheless, I won a Round-One Best Advocate Award, which led to an opportunity to obtain actual trial experience while still in law school. I began sitting second chair on felony trials through my internship at a local prosecutor’s office. After graduating from law school, during my first three years of law practice as a court-appointed lawyer then as a public defender, the types of cases that I handled ranged from “Operating a Vehicle While Intoxicated” to “Murder” and everything in between. My point is that immediately gained experience arguing against some very talented, well-seasoned trial lawyers, mainly because I refused to start my legal career at the bottom. I was just the “new girl” who was underestimated by pretty much everyone until after the jury deliberation of my first trial. Until then, the male prosecutors who dismissed so many of my clients’ cases were able to tell themselves that they were only doing so because I had asked them nicely. Being underestimated works like a charm. It sounds completely anti-feminist, right? Keep reading.
I watched other trial lawyers in action as often as possible. I watched jurors’ facial expressions. I understand human emotions and am often able to predict how people will react in certain circumstances before they actually do. No, I’m not psychic. I have literally just studied people through observation and developed my own set of tactics for being successful as the female “rookie” lawyer in a world full of — well, you know the status quo. Sometimes male attorneys yell and get angry. Sometimes they bully witnesses, their opponents, etc. Sometimes female attorneys do the same thing. Generally speaking, men are “allowed” to be angrier than women. Present day “feminists” have a huge problem with this (I’m envisioning the inevitable screaming), but I don’t and here’s why: Juries don’t actually like bullies at all. They don’t like female bullies or male bullies. Juries like and listen to lawyers who talk to them (not at them), who tell them the truth even while putting the evidence in a light most favorable to their client (their job), who remain calm when their opponents are yelling, who remain calm even when the judge is yelling. A lawyer who starts yelling out of anger during trial comes across as out-of-control and overly-emotional. On the other hand, a lawyer who knows her own case as well as her opponent’s case inside and out, and calmly rebuts her opponent’s evidence with facts and reasoning is extremely effective. This does not mean that a great lawyer never becomes emotional about the evidence itself. It just means that she does not react out of anger to her opponent, the judge, the witnesses, or anyone else for that matter.
I have chosen to stick with “she” and “her,” merely because I am a woman and I am referring to my own experiences. However, these trial strategies are 100% gender neutral and they are the best way for a female or male attorney to win a trial/negotiation/argument. The BEST trial lawyer that I have ever watched is actually a man who uses all of these gender-neutral trial strategies and is highly effective. I completely understand why he is the most sought after lawyer in his community.
I’m generalizing when I say that male bullies have a higher chance of winning than female bullies. Modern day “feminists” are going to scream, I know. Don’t miss my point — bullies don’t usually win. Yes, Trump is our President, but look at who his opponent was. In a contest between a male bully and a female bully, the male bully will trump the female bully. “Trump,” get it?!? Okay, sorry. I’m kind of a nerd.
While at the hair salon sometime in August, telling everyone who would listen about how amazing Tulsi is, one of the other women said “I think Tulsi is great. I just don’t know if a woman can beat Trump.” The woman who said this is a friend of mine, and I’m actually glad that she felt comfortable enough with me to actually say this out loud. Ever since I heard her say it, it has been echoing in the back of my mind. The purpose of this article is for me to consider her viewpoint, because although I completely disagree with her, her viewpoint is quite prevalent among women in society today. I really hope that this article ends up in the hands of women who feel the same way that she does.
I was a “feminist” before I started taking “Trial Advocacy” in law school. I was enraged when Trump said that Hillary “[didn’t] have the look.” I watched the angry male and female attorneys that were portrayed in the movies and on TV and I thought that I’d just go ahead and be angry too. The problem is that being angry is usually extremely ineffective when your goal is actually to obtain a favorable outcome; and let’s face it, that should always be your goal.
In my opinion, women already have the potential, not only to be equal to men; but to WIN against their male opponents. Women are naturally more in tune with their emotions (or perhaps society has made them that way)(nature, nurture, however you want to look at it) and are able to emotionally connect with people in a way which, when employed properly, can be quite persuasive. In the past, women have been viewed as overly-emotional. I concede that it’s not advantageous to appear overly-emotional. Donald Trump is overly emotional, but he’s also cleverly manipulative. In a contest between him and an angry, arrogant, overly-emotional opponent, he will manipulate his/her emotions and shrink him/her down to the size of a pea. Tulsi Gabbard is not angry. She is not overly-emotional. She is not arrogant. She obviously does not care what anyone else thinks of her. Why would she care if Trump decided to start slinging insults at her? She’s more than proven that she could handle it by now. Honestly, I would love to see him try. Tulsi would flip the situation around so fast that it would make his head spin.
I’ve wanted a strong, honest, successful female mentor that I could look up to for such a long time. I wanted to be able to connect with another woman who understood the things that I understood. There is one female judge in particular who I consider to be a mentor and is one of my favorite people on the planet, but I never had the opportunity to observe her in action when she was a trial lawyer.
The evening of June 26, 2019, I witnessed the culmination of the strategies that I had worked so hard to implement in my professional life, and I found the female mentor that I’ve been searching for. I do know how to win a trial/negotiation/argument, but I didn’t learn it from books. What I learned cannot really be taught and can only kind of be explained. If you want to learn, you have to watch someone else who has “it.” The evening of June 26, 2019, I realized that the strategies that I worked so hard to figure out and then implement could be explained in just one word — “Tulsi-ism.” I was completely in awe, but I didn’t become a Tulsi supporter right away. I was worried that Tulsi was too good to be true. I spent a couple of weeks researching every single smear and learned that every single one was completely false. What I witnessed on Night One was/is the real Tulsi. She is compassionate, kind, tough, smart, courageous, and completely self-less. I’ve never known anyone like her in my whole life.
I’m not choosing “feminism;” I’m choosing “Tulsi-ism.” I’m not going to whine about how the world is not fair because I already know that it’s not. My brother has special needs. I’ve taught children who were literally born into poverty and came to school hungry every day. “Feminism,” “Women’s Rights” or whatever people are calling it is honestly just not the most important issue in the world to me — not even close. I’ve chosen to write my first article on this topic merely because Warren seems to have the entire country freaking out about “feminism” and I wanted the opportunity to share my viewpoints as a woman who knows what it takes to win against a man. I’m speaking to you as a woman who used to feel like the rest of you do, as a woman who has finally learned. Ladies/Women (whatever you would prefer to be called): We already have so much power. If you want to learn how to harness your power, just watch and listen to Tulsi.
Thirty seconds into debate one, I was saying to my husband “Who is that? Wow! She looks fabulous and poised. She’s so calm and composed! Who is this woman?” I am a hetero-sexual female, and obviously not the jealous type. Then Tulsi took out Tim Ryan (my hubby’s favorite). He was not impressed, but I was. Five minutes later, I was telling my husband “This woman has what it takes to beat Trump.” He was still kind of sulking about the Tim Ryan take-down. Thirty minutes later, I was one of the millions googling “Tulsi Gabbard” to learn more about her and her policies. Two weeks later, I was officially a Tulsi supporter.
If you are one of those women out there who is wondering ‘Can a woman actually beat Trump?’ my answer is “not just any woman, but Tulsi can.”
What does it take for a woman to win against a man? “Tulsi-ism.”
