The Transition
Imagine that you are happier than ever. You have everything in this world you could ask for. You have an amazing family perfect children, amazing spouse. You are happy, he is happy, and your children are happy. You think this is going to be the rest your life, you hope this will be the rest of your life. What you see in front of you is this perfect image you have always had painted in your head. Key word HAD. Things happen, people change. Now I am sitting here in my parents home alone with my two boys. I am watching them grow alone. What I see are tears in my eyes trying to make out this blurry image of my children playing together with the biggest smiles. I am so lucky because they are not old enough to ask me “Mommy whats wrong?” because I know that would make things worse for me in the moment. I use to be this strong person but now I am struggling to find happiness in my darkness. I know I can do it. I know I will be okay, but in this moment I feel I have lost all my strength, I feel like I am drowning. This is what it feels like when your world is crashing, when you lose your forever. So, do not let words define your relationship, do not let someones anger make you angry, take a breath before you speak, and never go to bed angry. No longer can “Im sorry” and “I love you” fix things because now the hate is stronger than the love and it will never change no matter how hard you try.
I keep telling myself this is what is best and maybe this will help me become the person I have lost.

