+100. This exact sentiment is how I feel also about racism. It’s more than overt things that are grossly offensive, or interactions where its obvious that something took place. The worst is when people treat me badly and I have to wonder if what I look like has something to do with it. Responding to a story like this by saying: “If you look for sexism/racism/homophobia/transphobia you’ll find it.” is the WORST kind of gaslighting. If you can choose when to pay attention to microagressions, that’s privilege. Please take several hundred seats, and don’t tell someone who’s life is being affected that she is that overreacting. In this example, she IS obligated to capitulate because women who ignore the “kind gestures” of strange men get injured or killed. (#YouOKsis hashtag on Twitter is a horrible example of this) It’s as simple as that. While men perceive their actions to be chivalrous and innocuous, I’m sitting here trying to decide if my life will be at risk if I decline. Will you follow me down the street yelling horrible names at me? Will you stab me? Will you strangle me? I don’t know you, so I don’t know. It’s definitely not about the door.