The Act of Forgiving
When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future. ~B. Meltzer
Forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth
I recently wrote a story about my journey with Lyme disease and in my story, I spoke a little bit about how I forgave those that emotionally hurt me during a time of need. Forgiving the handful of people that I was disappointed, angered, and hurt by led me to a better place within myself.
Forgiveness is all about the one who chooses to forgive — it really has nothing to do with the people who hurt us.
In life you are faced with the act of forgiving. How you forgive is a question you should ask yourself. Your answer should be as truthful as your act of forgiving.
I consider myself a forgiving person. I can honestly say there is not a single person I hold a grudge against for any wrongdoings. So if your name is in my box of wrongdoings, it is locked and all has been forgiven; but your wrongdoing was a part of my past, and you may not be in my future because of it.
Forgiving someone does not mean you allow them a free pass back into your life. Forgiveness does not mean you have to keep a relationship with the person who betrayed you. Distancing yourself from people who have hurt or angered you does not make you spiteful, hateful, or bad. You are taking time to heal by removing yourself from the hurt or anger.
As a Christian, I was taught to forgive others as quickly as we expect God to forgive us. This can be difficult for some. Why? Because it is human nature to feel anger when someone has hurt you or wronged you in some way. Anger can sometimes make the hurt go away, but at some point the hurt will resurface.
Anger is meant to be felt for short periods of time to help us process and resolve a situation. However, when we experience anger over prolonged periods of time, our body goes through harmful physiological changes which can create health issues, or interfere with healing from a current health issue. Harboring anger (holding on to a hot piece of coal) can become chronic, and that is not good for one’s health or spirit.
Forgiveness is a process and God must be present. By forgiving, you let go of your grievances and judgments and allow yourself to heal. There is no room for anger; thoughts of retribution, or revenge. You cannot self-identify as a victim. You make peace within yourself and with patience you begin to heal.
You are not forgiving the offense, you are forgiving the offender. If your offended is not willing to acknowledge the act, it may be that they need time to understand what they have done and may need to forgive themselves. That is between themselves and God.
Excuses should not follow an apology but oftentimes, the offender will make excuses or bypass your emotions quickly because they do not want to continue feeling guilty, or feeling as though they did something wrong. Ideally, if the other person could allow you to communicate your pain and anger, you are likely to come to a resolution more quickly, thus forgiving more quickly. The end, but not always the case though.
When you are struggling with the issue of forgiveness and caught in the pursuit of wanting to hear certain words from your offender, this can block the act of forgiving and cause anger and resentment.
Set aside these feelings and think about how forgiveness is all about the one who chooses to forgive . Think about how you are forgiving the offender not the offense.
After forgiving, it’s time to heal. Healing may take days, weeks, months, or even years. It may even take therapy or a visit with a pastor or a priest, but once you have healed, it’s up to you whether or not you want to revisit the relationship you had with the offender. It’s time to rethink the relationship and just how important it is to you.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself to be happy and at peace. This is essential for spiritual growth. And as a Christian, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 5:7, 39 — 46
Do you forgive? Your answer should be as truthful as your act of forgiving.
Stacy Cellier-Gomez
MIA, The Lyme Story
MIA, Let the Truth be Told — Series Two
MIA, The Act of Forgiving
Coming soon
MIA, The Chronic Awakening — Series Three
No longer MIA, The Activist
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