How to Fall out of Love Quickly (You Can’t) ch.8 Part-1

I existed, had joy before Vanessa…

8)

“Jerome, it’s time for your meds. Hey Jerome… Where are you? I’m not playing this game. Come out.” Silence. “Right now, Jerome. I’m serious.”

Behind the door, I sY, “ Fine.”

“Fuck,” she jumps. “Must you constantly try and give me a heart attack?”

Some of the best hiding spots are the simplest. The door is always open by her own rule, and thus the crevice does not exist in her mind.

“It’s not that I want to give you a heart attack, sweet Mother of mine.” I saunter to jump on the bed. “On the contrary, if I don’t keep you on your toes, your poor heart would get too soft and complacent. I’m keeping your blood flow healthy. Also, surprises are good for your immune system.”

She gestures, I hop off she straightens the pillows.

“Say that at my funeral.”Mom wipes her brow to the threshold.

I’m exhausting. “Oh, someone is morbid today.”

“Come take your meds.” I follow her to the kitchen.

I snatch the pills off the plate like a magician, into a fist, and then draw her attention to my eye contact like a pro. “Hey, Mom, I was thinking that I’d ride my bike to therapy today.”

Her eyes narrow in on me as I drink the water insinuating I’ve taken the pills like a good boy. She says, “I’m not sure about that.”

“Come on, you heard Ross say that physical exertion is good for me. I’m sick of being cooped up in the house. Plus, I’m starting school again tomorrow. You gotta start cutting me some slack if you want things to go back to normal. You want things to go back to normal dontcha?” I got her.

“Yes.” She says confused that she’s agreeing with me.

“I’ll go straight there and back, I promise.”

She’s skeptical, but relents. “Fine.”

“I mean, what would be great is if I had my phone back.”

“Don’t push it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Here There Be Monsters

In Bayes’s office, side by side we sit at the window at my life. He says, “Are you nervous about going back to school?”

“Nervous or not, tomorrow is coming. No, I’m not nervous. Alright, I’m a little nervous. I think that’s healthy though, right. That’s how courage is made by pushing through those fears.”

“It is healthy, yes you are correct, but you have never had a problem transitioning fear into actions. I hope you take a little more time to cultivate what actions you wish to make. Do you know anyone at this new school?”

“Hmmm, nope, no one, not a soul. I’m not worried about that.”

“What do you plan to do about?” He folds his leg over the other.

I do the same. “Yeah, I think this is a good opportunity to crack down and focus on my academics. It’s safe to say that I got some large stockpiles of energy and if I put my mind to it, I think I can really excel. Get on the principals list. Ready myself for some AP classes next year to bolster my resume for college. Anyway, who cares about high school. Three more years out of my life time is nothing. People put so much weight on it, when the whole experience is vastly overrated if you ask me, and the food is shit.”

“I don’t disagree, but I wouldn’t overlook the value of time. Especially at such a pivotal age. A lot can happen in those three years. The perception of high school often gets distorted in books and in Hollywood, yes. There’s an emphasis on drama and everything is mount Everest. What’s undervalued is the fact that your fifteen and building the foundation of your character. Your brain is storing information on how to react, how to learn, how to make, and maintain friendships, and other relationships, be it with peers, elders, and love interests. These connections may not last forever, and for some I hope they do, but these skills you learn now, on a fundamental level, will start to become habits. I think it’s smart to focus on your schoolwork, but don’t let other aspects of yourself suffer. I would try to meet as many people as you can. Say hi to everyone.”

“Teachers, students, join clubs, experience, live, love, laugh, do it all. That might mean you might get hurt, rejected, and put into uncomfortable situations. That’s okay, that’s good, that’s how you grow. I can promise nothing for a while will hurt as much as what you’ve been going through and you’ve preserved, you’ve gone through the other side haven’t you, you’re a stronger person now. I can attest to that. I’m really proud of you Jerome.”

“Jeez, calm down Mom. It’s not like I’m climbing mount Everest.”

“I’m sorry to talk your ear off. I don’t mean to give you lecture. I think you’re smart, capable young man and if you want to, there’s nothing you can’t achieve. You just have to want to put in the effort, which have you been doing, taking your medication, doing your chores, and I even hear you were tutoring.”

I unfold my leg. “I don’t know about that last one.”

“But your putting yourself out there, your doing the steps that must people, who have had their heart broken or not, don’t try as hard as you have. I want you to continue that energy. Focusing on your academics are great, but to what end. I would like for to focus on your interests and what brings you joy. What brings you joy?” What brings me joy?My reflection frowns.

The answer was her, god, did I even exist before Vanessa — I feel so lame. Sure I have interests. “I like movies.”

“Have you thought about joining the drama club? You have a flare for flamboyance and as you say a stockpile of energy.”

“Maybe.”

“That sounds like FOG to me.” Bayes unfolds his leg.

“It’s a lot to spring on a guy. I’m dedicated to the work, but a boy has to ponder.” Bayes stands, pulls his chair center of the room, and I match him.

He says, “I just want you to take charge of your life, and not let life take charge of you. Doing the work is asking yourself hard questions. Don’t lean away from it, ponder, but don’t fall prey to over thinking. Give your mind time to rest. I’m excited for you.”

He spits in his hand, extends it and I spit in my mine. We air shake.

*

This is why I hate therapy. I mean, I don’t hate it, hate it. At the bike rack, I’m a bit unsettled by everything Hal said. Sometimes, I wonder if he really has my best intentions at heart. Of course Bayes does. He’s a good guy. Plus, he’s being paid and has no reason to fuck with me. Still, I don’t want to ride off quite yet, knowing my luck, I’ll be distracted, hit something and eat shit — I won’t die or even get a concussion, but lose all my front teeth or be blinded or something stupid that keeps me just below the even keel.

Bayes said on the first day it was his job to listen, too. Then off he goes on this huge sermon. I wasn’t even that nervous about starting school somewhere new — shit I was excited even. Not anymore. He’s not wrong, what the doc was saying, but it’s a lot of responsibility. ‘Go and say hi to everyone.’ God, I don’t want to do that. ‘Join drama club’ It’s not my style.

I’m not flamboyant. Clever, yes, sometimes witty and eccentric even.

Chinese will make me feel better. Tea will straighten me out. Grandma said it’s good for the soul. “Hey grandma,” I wave. “How’s the back treating to you today?” She rubs her lower spine.

“Oh, it’s getting worse every day.” she guides me to my usual spot by the window. “You want the usual today?”

“That depends is Jacquelin here?”

“No, she’s not here. The egg rolls are good today. I’ll bring you the usual.”

“Thanks grandma. Hey, do you mind if I borrow a piece of. paper?” She hands off the whole booklet. “Are you sure, I just need one.”

“Take it. I have plenty. Writing is good for you. When I was younger. I wrote poetry. It helps with the soul. You should try.” She waddles away with a hand on her lower back.

Poetry is not my jam. I need to map out my desire. Make a plan. What kind of foundation do I want to build for myself? Better question; what do I want to accomplish in high school that if I died, I would be remorseful about? Or regret not doing, shit I don’t know. I mull it over with the food, and even after stare out the window some.

The door to the restaurant opens, in comes Jacquelin. She heads straight for the back. I should leave, and gather my crap.

I’m about to go, when a presence lurks behind me. “Whacha YA writing.”

“None of your business.”

“Fine.” Jacquelin walks away.

“I’m kind of making a bucket list.” She twirls back with a cocky smile.

“Are you dying. Am I on a reality show. Are their cameras.”

“Ha-ha, you wish. No, I’m not dying. It’s a list of things to accomplish in high school.” Jacquelin sticks out her tongue.

“Lame. Hey, I’m just kidding. Don’t take me so seriously, I barely know you. All I am saying is it sounds forced. What has spurred this insurrection of your life’s purpose? It’s only high school.”

Outside a man from the complex smokes a cigarette. “It’s a secret.”

“I love secrets.” She sits. “They are only fun when you tell people. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody. Anybody you will know anyway.” She winks.

“Thanks, I appreciate the consideration. It doesn’t matter though, if I care so much about other people knowing than it’s a dagger I’m pressing to my own heart.” Jacquelin covers her heart.

“Oh hey, wow. That was so poetic. You know my grandma writes poetry.”

“She told me. Are you ever serious?”

“Only for about three hours from eleven to two. Come back later.”

“Good to know. Well, the reason why I’m in here so often is because I’m really going therapy next door. This is just a bonus.”

“Ha! I knew you’re crazy.” She covers her mouth with her hands, nods her head. “Sorry, please continue.” Hans on table, Jacquelin nods again.

“My therapist, Hal-”

“Like 2001?”

“Yeah. I call him Bayes because of that.”

“I’d go with Doc.”

“He doesn’t like that. I think it makes him feel like a quack. Anyway, he said I should be building a foundation for myself and it’s gotten me all out of whack. When did life get so complicated?”

“Earth to Jerome, life has always been complicated, growing up is just finally realizing it. Plus, I sort of figured that about you already, that your crazy; I mean, uh, complicated. Ha. I mean, you did try to dine and dash.”

“For the millionth time. It wasn’t like that.”

“Plus, your not Chinese. The only other regulars that come work in these buildings or go to them. It’s not bad advice, what Hal said. You know, I’ve made something similar myself.”

“Really? What has spurred this insurrection of your life’s purpose?”

“The difference, silly boy, is mine is made in the spirit of fun and adventure. Unlike your questioning joy.”

“I’m not questioning my joy.”

“In fact,” Jacquelin pulls a pad of paper from her back pocket. “I have it right here.” She lays it on top of mine as it’s so much better.

The entire sheet is filled in. Maybe it is better.

“Wow, you want to do all that.”

“Yessir. You wanna help me?”

“Wait, what? Me? Like, right now?”

“Yeah, why not right now. Live in the moment. Conquer Rome. What better time, are you doing anything else?”

She’s got a point. “Alright, sure. Fuck it. You’re right. Live in the moment. Let’s do, let’s conquer Rome.”

“Cool. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Jacquelin stands, I say, “Hey wait, can I use your phone. I should call my Mom. She’ll freak it out if I’m not back; she’s probably already freaking out. I told her I’d come straight home after therapy and I’ve been here for a while.”

she puts a hand on her, shakes her head as I’m the lamest thing she’s seen her whole life. “What is this the medieval ages, you don’t have a cell phone? How do you live?”

“Tell me about it. It’s a long story.”

“You’re just full of those aren’t you.” Jacquelin Points, “There’s a landline in the host hand. My battery is almost dead, I don’t want to turn it on and waste it.” I head over, and grandma is coming out of the kitchen.

“Hey grandma, is it alright if I use your phone and call my Mom.”

“Sure, sure,” she says. She heads outside to smoke.

I shout after her, “Those are bad for your health!”

She waves me off. “I’m already old and dying. Vice like snow. Comes and goes.” Grandma mumbles to herself in Chinese, sits, and smokes and I’ve decided I want to be her when I grow up. Jacquelin waves, spins her finger for me to hurry.

I dial Mom’s number. She answers on the second ring. “Hello this is Janelle Richardson speaking.” Her professional voice is hilarious.

“Yes, I want to redecorate my home, a full makeover.”

“Jerome, where are you calling from? You promised you’d come right home after therapy.” A boy can’t even joke.

“I know, I know. Calm down, I’m at the Jade Dragon. I got food, but anyway, Jacquelin asked me if I could help her out with some stuff. It probably will only be like an hour or so, and then I’ll come right home. Is that alright?”

“Jacquelin asked you? Okay. Don’t stay too long or eat too much. I’m cooking dinner tonight. I want to have a family dinner before your first day at the new school. Be safe. Love you.”

‘Be safe’ that cracks me up. What does she think is going to happen?

“Love you, too. Bye.”

“Ah,” Jacquelyn teases. “Jerome loves his Mommy. How cute.”

“Yeah, yeah, I love your grandma too. Let’s go.” Through the door, I wave goodbye to grandma.

“Do you have a bike?” Jacquelin says, “If not, you can ride double with me.” Do I have a bike; she really does think I’m living in the medieval ages.

“Yes,I have a bike sheesh.”

We mount up. I say, “So, what are we doing on the list?”

A lot of it was weird like dress up and pretend to be werwolves on a full moon or go into every store and try every food at the mall.

“We might as well start at the beginning.” Jacquelin points to the top of the sheet. She waves it in my face.

I stop, snatch it from her as she laughs as if that type of multi-tasking is a coveted skill. Number-1 reads, ‘Graffiti a school.’

*

#steep

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