Steve Tremper

I am still experiencing uncomfortable emotions linked to my time with Steve and USA, but I have improved in accepting things as they were messy and otherwise. Today I am feeling positive and cheerful, but I don’t always feel that way. My scars are emotional and they are the hardest to heal. Those experiences have left me vulnerable and deeply lost with low self esteem.Life was so messy back then. Fast forward to the present day, although I am still emotional about everything, I am much improved. Now I am embarking on a new chapter and where it will lead me after losing Mike. It’s not going to be easy, and perhaps it’s meant to be that way otherwise I would have no reason to grow. It’s only in harsh conditions that you find the strength to withstand the storms. My overwhelming experiences in life have taught me the importance of growth and that mistakes lead to experience and self criticism leads to wisdom. I am remembering a time with Steve when I asked him if I could speak up and defend myself to Joe Doub to which Steve replied, “if you do, we will be having words” I knew then Steve would never have my back, as he did not want to rock the boat with them. I felt lost and alone. I was in a different country and trying to fit in. But to my surprise many barbershoppers did reach out to me, the Cherny’s Robinson’s,Jim Knight, Linda Keys, the Fusons, and many others. I was having notes with addresses and phone numbers given to me wherever I went. But in the end I realised I had to stop giving power to the very people who caused me such pain, but instead give that power to myself and realise how worthy I was to become. I had to realise that life can be messy at times and unfair and complicated and there will always be people out there ready to have a stab at me, but I’m trying not to hold onto regret in my heart because doing so would not serve me well. So my question now is, where do I go from here? Maybe just making small adjustments and changes to my life will make such a difference to how I move forward towards my next chapter without Mike.I have known what it’s like to be at rock bottom, so for now I’m learning to appreciate being at peace and accepting everything I could not change. Luv Kelly xx