What I (and my girlfriend) did on our summer vacations

• Went to the Philippines and put a street urchin in a headlock after foiling a pickpocket attempt (her)
• Set up Pokémon Go lure modules at the local Carmax to stress out the sales staff (me)
• Threatened to open up a snowcone trailer called “Viva La Raspa” (me)
• Hijacked a hobbyist’s quadcopter down at Auditorium Shores and flew it into Town Lake (her)
• Crushed pissbabies on Twitter (both)
• Started yoga (her)
• Promptly quit yoga (her)
• Got drunk and fell out of a tent into a patch of poison ivy (me)
• Dialed it back a notch (me)
• Swore that under no circumstances would we ever go back to Brixton Bingo (her)
• Bought plane tickets for a trip to Memphis and then didn’t go when half of the guests (Jaime Santos-Prowse et al.) flaked out (me)
• Was nominated for that bullshit prize okay you can stop rubbing it in yes you deserved it (her)
• Got kicked out of a wine bar for suggesting they have a couple of flights to try before I know whether I want the whole fucking bottle or not (both)