Things the Apple Watch is Good For

• Being a watch. (that runs out of battery every single day.)
• Being a cellphone. (that is forever stuck on speaker.)
• Measuring your heart rate. (as your ego swells with pride when poorer startup founders stare jealously at your Apple Watch.)

Things the Apple Watch is Not Good For

• Typing. (It doesn’t.)
• Android users. (52.2% of the world.)
• Compensating for the fact that you’re a pretentious asshole with no friends.