Are you the average of 5 people you spend most time with?

Human beings are natural sponges. This is a totally subconscious mechanism that we use to cope with life. It is how babies learn: they observe people around them and mimic them.

As a kid, you didn’t analyze your parents’ teachings very much, you just accepted them. In a normal family, Mom and Dad are not just figures of authority. They are the most loved and trusted people in the whole world. You mimicked them and absorbed their philosophies by osmosis, just living with them day by day.

You probably know the saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” If you have your own kids, you know what BS this is. You certainly know it if your parents ever tried to use it against you.

You didn’t need sermons to inherit behavior from your parents. I can’t recall a single conversation with my dad about the value of equanimity. When I try, my mind is totally blank. But I can recall no more than half a dozen cases when he lost his cool.

I identified with my wonderful dad in my childhood, so equanimity is a part of me. My sisters identified with my more dynamic mom and equanimity is quite foreign for them (Funny, most of the instances when my dad lost his temper involved kicking discussions with my mom).

That’s the natural process of forming your system for conduct of life. You observe what’s going on around you (peppy mom, calm dad), interpret that data (I want to be like dad, so I’ll be tranquil), and act according to the results of your analysis.

What to do?

If your friends are jerks, you are most probably a jerk too. If they are saints, you may be one too.

You can’t help, but become like those you closely associate with.

Don’t be offended by this conclusion. Being angry about reality doesn’t change it.

Armed with that knowledge, be mindful about those you allow into your social circle.

Consciously seek relationships with people you want to emulate. Consider who you want to become, and what character qualities you want to possess. Then associate with people who already have these.