Homophobia in Hungary

As I visit different countries and meet LGBT people from all these, I often face the question: And what’s the deal in Hungary? Are gays accepted? 
My answer pretty much depends on my mood, as the answer is in reality “yes and no”.

Even though violent actions are pretty rare and couples walking on street will not feel judgement directly, the everyday people are full of prejudice and generally look at LGBT peole as less, somewhat pervert and rarely equal to them. They usually do this in a way, that even themselves aren’t aware of their homophobic way of thinking. They will most probably start their sentence with: I have no problems with them, but…..

As I am a bisexual woman, married with a man, people around me do not suspect that I am part of the community. This gives me a great insight opportunity and somewhat luckily I can hear all their preconseptions. I think, I am lucky, because I at least know what is their problem, while openly gay poeple get this semi-silent hatred, politically corrected honesty.

Let’s see, what are these people guilty of actually:

• Gay as a bad word. It is pretty deep in our language. I also found myself guilty of calling someone “gay” as an offense. What sense does this make? Postivie news, that just recently when a politican accused someone for caling him gay, the court decision was that it isn’t an offense. Hurray!
• “I have no problems with them, if they do it at home” — I guess, these people automatically think about sexual acts when you mention gays. Otherwise, how could they be only gays at home? I think, they have some disgust of imagining romantic physical contact between the same sex. Therefore, they just do not want to see any of that. They talk about Prides as some extremely immoral events, where the participants do all kind of disgusting things. Probably, I don’t have to mention, that they never saw any Pride actually.
• “I have no problems with them, but marriage is for man and woman” — Many times this is connected with religion, then they come with something like “marriage is sacred”. Why can you get married by the state so, and why they have no problems with that remains a mistery. Also, quite clearly they think that a heterosexual relationship is superial. What kind of qualities does it have that homosexual relationships do not, no idea.
• “They do whatever they want, but shouldn’t raise children.” And yes, many of the people who told me this, still think that they are tolerant. Their argument is, that the kid will suffer some damage, and that because society is intolerant, they will be mocked. Hmm. Interesting.
• “I have no problems with gays, but it annoys me how they claim extra rights.” — Like getting married. Yepp, in this logic, that is too much to ask. Why? Because we have laws, and they want to change them. This is, in some people’s eyes, trying to get extra rights for them.
• “I accept gays, but why do they have to push it into my face, being gay?” This is usually about Pride — which in Hungary is surrounded by fences becase of a dozen of violent radicals, so actually only participants can see anything — and news about gay activists, gay rights, gay events. What I hear is that, they get bothered because they have to deal with the subject. Or because they have to see 2 man kissing. But they accept.
• “I am okay with you being gay, but please keep it as a secret.” Most of the time this comes from parents. Quite a few of my friends are asked by their parents not to show any signs of being gay. No pictures on social media, no walking holding hands, not telling people. What would the neighbour think?

I had already several conversations, where I could hear these ideas. I find it likely, that they are just bothered by LGBT people, and instead of admitting, they hear these arguments from someone and repeat it, when asked. Their argument is rarely consistent, but they defend it anyway, which is also a sign that their problems aren’t really the ones listed above, but simply intolerance.

Every year, the gay community has it’s Pride week and march. Even though, I like to participate, I have some doubts if they help the case. Probably it starts conversations, but for many it is simply annoying. For those, I hope all the LGBT folk coming out, and showing that we are just like anyone, will help to understand finally: we are all equal. Like really.