How cutting my own hair short became a life lesson

No, I have not messed up my hair and I can leave the house without a hat. This is not that kind of a lesson, not this time.

There are these type of people, who love to make everything themselves. Maybe, because in the shop you just cannot find what you need, it’s not good quality, too expensive. Or because it is fun. Or all together. I am proudly one of those people, therefore my home is full of crooked DIY creations, my car is a bit scratched from washing it myself, my food is just on the edible side and my cosmetics are mainly things that you can find in the kitchen. And well, yes, I cut my own hair.

Cutting your own hair isn’t really a big deal, if your hair is fairly long. As far as I had my waist-long locks, it was a 5-minute process. One day, I even dared to cut my own bangs, which did not end with at a disaster — as it did when I was 10 — what made my quite confident to be honest. /And who wouldn’t be? Nice looking bangs? By yourself? Whaaat?/

All this led to the moment, when I was standing in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection trying to breath slowly.

The floor was already evenly covered with hair, even with those uncleanable short ones — my husband will kill me for this. During the evening, I watched a few youtube tutorials on the topic. Cute A-line bobs cut by very pretty girls in a 3 minute video with such an ease. What could go wrong? I am good at this anyway.

It was clear what could have gone wrong. And it went. “Honey, what did you think?” “Where can we find a hairdresser now?” Ah, all that humiliation! I was near to collapse, my pride just could not swallow this. So I kept cutting. I kept cutting, I could barely see what, I had to focus hard for my hands not to shake and the tears not to come. At this point, I was just repeating the moves that I saw in the video. “Will this fix what I did?” I had no idea. But I kept cutting.

All puzzled, I started cleaning the floor. I knew I needed help, and my Love definitely would not enter that hair-sea. In the mirror, I could not tell anymore what I saw. Maybe you had similar experience drawing — you work on it so much, that after a while you cannot see the whole picture anymore and your brain becomes jelly. My brain was less than jelly already. It was time to let the call for help out.

He said my hair is super-cute, helped me to chop off some tiny uneven parts, and I was good to go. When I checked my haircut again, I could see: “Fish, I made a good job! This is awesome!!” That was it all.

No catastrophe, no humiliation, no apocalypse — nothing. As I was looking back on the 1 hour insanity that my hair cutting became, I realized it is a miniature version of so many other situations I went through — and so did many of my friends. Being over confident, then failing — or getting scared of failing, losing it and becoming irrational. In my case, the video as guide lead me through this phase, yet we do not always have such a help. When it comes to a beauty-problem, it is all right. But when we talk about big decisions, relationships, or just that I/we might live in such a constant useless self-stress?

It takes years (or a lifetime) of practice to get over this problem — in my opinion mainly in the form of meditation. Anyhow, I have a little reminder with me for a while. The next time I find myself going nuts and feeling hopeless, I will try to stop and check out my cute hair.