Sex happenes with women.

Once, a friend of a friend invited me for coffee. He was an extremely nice middle-aged man, really open and chatty with everyone. I wasn’t suspicious, now I don’t know how. So, I went for a firendly meeting, we chatted and I went home. It was a nice afternoon! One week later, when I met our common friend, she told me the following: “I heard you met indeed X. and you had a nice time! He said he wanted to f*ck you actually, but didn’t because you are my friend and it would have been disrespectul maybe.” This was the reason. Otherwise, he would have just do it.

I guess, my story is not a rare one. How many times, do we feel like objects and not subjects of sexual desire? Yes, kind of always. Isn’t that the normal way? A man “does” a woman, if she let’s it? We were taught like that. “Be careful, don’t let….” “Men will try but…” It is always the same way: a man wants a women and he will do whatever it is needed to get her. What she wants? Question rarely asked.

Here is the deal: women want sex. We want sex and we will decide with who and how many. Just as I wrote this down, I know it sounds slutty. Woman being confident about their sexual need is something that people find immoral. As if it was bad, for a female person to have desire. No. They should just let men trick themself into it. No control please.

If by now, you think I am writing because I am in a bad relationship and I put my frustration here, you are on a wrong track. Fortunately, I found my partner whit who we are in a perfect balance and mutual respect. Still I see my friends, so many of them struggling with their identity as a sexual being. Some of them unable to refuse sex, because she feels “she has no right once she turned a man on”, other one sharing her bad with guys hoping if she is giving enough one will stay. The list does not stop with single ones. What about women, who feel they have to give sex to their partner? Or she is unable to talk with her partner (for years!) about sex, because she feels ashamed.

There is no one to blame this on. No evil group influencing society, not those bad-bad men being too masculin again. Nor those women just victimizing themself around all the time. Or rather, all of it together. This is something, that happened to be written in our mind, trough tradition, old social systems…etc. Still, it is time to change it. Girls: put yourself together! You ARE in control. No one can take that.