To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before: Review
With a week to go until Netflix releases film To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, I thought it was relevant to review the novel.
Although first published way back in 2014, I was intrigued after seeing the trailer for the film To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Having never read the book, I wanted to see what it was like before the film’s release. This is especially because I predict the book will blow up in popularity — if the film does well — like other books of recent adaptations like Love, Simon and The Kissing Booth have done. I mean, I’ve already seen the book on offer in Waterstones and the film’s not even out yet.
And having finished the book, I definitely think it couldn’t be more relevant to write a review. Particularly because I have a couple issues with it, things I’m really hoping they omit or change in the film.
To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is a charming Young Adult/Teen rom-com that sees a young Korean-American girl enter into the world of dating.
Lara-Jean is a bit of a daydreamer, with only a few friends and her two sisters — one younger, one older — for company. She’s also a hopeless romantic. When she’s harbouring a crush on someone, she writes an intense love letter to release her feelings, and ultimately say goodbye. Of course, she never sends them. There are five in total, and they stay hidden from anyone but Lara-Jean herself.
But when school starts again after the summer break, Lara-Jean is mortified to discover that her letters have been sent.
And this is when things get interesting.
I found this concept charming; it’s initially what drew me into the book. And it certainly doesn’t disappoint. Lara-Jean’s awkward but sweet character — along with the whole letter situation — creates some very laugh out loud moments.
It was also a pretty easy read (or should I say listen as I purchased the audiobook from Audible). With a lighthearted feel and an easy going pace that wasn’t too intense, the book never dragged. I was also impressed with the book’s characterisation.
The three sisters are all very similar, yet so different. They all have individual temperaments and personalities that shine through in the story. These were emphasised by the actress for the audiobook, who did a great job bringing them to life.
It’s a fun read…BUT!
Of course, there’s a BUT!
I have some major issues with this novel that quite often left me frowning. For me, this REALLY let the book down. The more I think about it, the more I realise that the attitudes in the book are things we’ve been trying to change in society, especially for young girls and women. So, what were my issues with this novel?
Sex Is Bad….
…for girls.
This was more an issue nearer the end of the book, but one that frustrated me so much, and really had me frowning or rolling my eyes at certain points.
A rumour circulates about Lara-Jean, causing everyone to start calling her a slut. Of course, it’s very distressing for her. But it’s also her reaction (that is never challenged) that really let me down.
Lara-Jean’s inner monologue is a continual essence of “I’m a good girl, I’d never do anything like that”. She’s shrouded in shame, embarrassment, and disgust by the thought. The most horrifying part was when her father believes his daughter is having sex. He says he’s very disappointed in her and didn’t think she would do something like that. He thought she was a “good girl”
The novel is littered with attitudes of purity culture, which just seems archaic and downright dangerous to me.
This mindset is something that the media and literature creators need to start challenging. These attitudes feed into a culture that represses women (particularly their sexuality) and creates a culture of shame.
Of course, Lara-Jean is a victim of slut-shaming, but this isn’t highlighted as a bullying issue. Han turns it into a disapproval surrounding girls and sex through Lara-Jean’s opinion that sex is inappropriate.
This only continues attitudes that girls shouldn’t engage in or enjoy sex, only further perpetuating the normalisation of slut shaming — ironically the very thing Lara-Jean is a victim of.
And I’m not saying authors should be writing books that go around declaring every girl should go wild and sleep with whoever they want (though if that is the way they want to live their life then that is fine). Merely, I’m saying authors need to start writing narratives that don’t demonise sex, or demonstrate it as anything but natural for girls to engage in. Authors also have the position to challenge conceptions and attitudes towards women, and really attack the culture of slut shaming, instead of feeding it.
Already, I’m hopeful that this “sex is bad” narrative from the book could be different in the film. In a recent trailer, Lara-Jean sits in the car with her dad who awkwardly gives her a bag of condoms, a very different scene from the one in the book.
But authors need to start challenging this concept too, through meaningful discussions. In this book, no one ever challenges Lara-Jean’s thoughts that it would be shameful for her to have sex. There’s no real open discussion with other characters concerning the topic. There are a few comments about boys getting double standards, but that seems to be about it.
And that really let me down.
Self Worth From Boys
What also annoyed me was Lara-Jean’s character development. Her self-worth was only enhanced through her engagement and interaction with boys. In particular, her interaction with the male lead (obviously), who is, of course, the most popular guy in school. So, consequently, Lara-Jean gains a lot of attention and friends also.
Yes, Lara-Jean came out of her shell and comfort zone, but this was only through the fact of gaining a guy’s attention. She was finally being noticed and appreciated because she was hanging out with the popular guy. And her happiness often increased when she gained his attention, and he gave her compliments.
And okay, okay, this book is a rom-com, I get it. And I’m not saying relationships shouldn’t be explored as amazing things or something that can’t boost a person’s confidence and self-worth.
My issue is with the demonstration to young women that their self-worth is SOLELY attached to; the status of a guy; the attention they receive from guys; or how they are viewed by guys. When we attach young girls’ value to that of males we can create a dangerous culture in that women only value their appearance (which they constantly critique), or dangerous situations where they are exposed to abuse and manipulation.
Not once does Lara-Jean’s character develop or her self-worth increase from her intelligence, hobbies, or interests.
A book that recently did this well — while still intertwining the element of romance — is Moxie. The book’s main character garnered confidence and self-worth throughout the book. And yes, this was supported by a relationship, but it was also supported by her own actions, friendships, and opinions.
We need to start communicating to young girls and women that, although a relationship is great and can give you a lot of fulfilment, you need to love and respect yourself first, and believe you are of value and can contribute to society further than your value to males.
Too often have I seen intelligent and wonderful girls feel worthless because of their lack of interest from men.
What’s The Verdict?
With these major points, I’m feeling pretty let down by this book. Overall, I have to give it 2.3 out of 5. Knowing the success other recent book-film adaptations have received, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is about to boost in sales and attention. If so, these messages are again going to appear in mainstream circulation. I feel that’s taking a step backwards in how we should view these topics.
If you still wish to read To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, or want to recommend it to a younger reader, make sure to critique and engage in discussions about these topics, especially female sexuality and slut shaming.
Now, to wait another week until the film comes out. Is anyone else excited to see it? Do you think producers will have changed these aspects?
