Probably Overthinking Everything Again

I should be trying to sleep.

It’s late, and I have a lot on my plate tomorrow. A project that I may or may not have carried out correctly, but has to be completed by tomorrow , and then shopping for, and getting ready for a photography trip with some classmates.

Why am I writing this and why should you care?

Well I’ve been told by a good friend that I have the ability to touch other’s lives and inspire, or rather that I could be able to do so. She reckons that I have the potential locked away in me but I don’t know how to access it. How to utilise it.

Past experiences have left me struggling to open up and express myself, and as a result I became very much an embodiment of the penguins from the movie Madagascar, and their method of handling situations:

Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave.

Oh, and I can’t give you any reason to care. I just want to share my thoughts. It’s for my benefit, not yours. Hereforth the first thing I write here that’s not a comment on someone else’s work.

In all fairness

I don’t sleep well. I haven’t slept well for about five years now. Most people put it down to stress and anxiety. Some reckon it may be PTSD. They’re probably spot on; I don’t know anymore.

I’ve been through too many traumatic times. Sat in too many hospital waiting rooms, either watching virtually mute TV’s, trying to catch the story, or trying to study for a test. I’ve cried myself to sleep many times, often without tears. I’ve held in emotions, only for them to flood out uncontrollably. I’ve made and lost innumerable friends. I’ve been bullied in six of the eight schools I’ve attended. I’ve been knocked out cold for nothing more than standing up to a class clown. I’ve been through more hell than the average Westener of my age.

But, I haven’t been shot at. I have never lived in fear of my own life. Never gone hungry for more than a few hours. I still have both my parents. I have a home that is safe.

Somehow even with all of that I feel unlucky. Like life has been unfair to. It has, undoubtedly, but others have had it far worse than I.

For now, I believe that circumstance determines how we view problems. It’s all relative. Every issue you have, that someone else has, is in some way equal to another that they have, that you don’t.

True or not, I’m still figuring it out. I’ll let you know when I do.

None taken

Okay, so I just gave you some fairly random info. I don’t think it amounts to all that much. I haven’t said much either. For me it’s good to just say something.

That being said, I’ll definitely be adding more in the future.

Who knows, maybe I’ll start saying things that may mean something to you, or someone else. Maybe through this I will loosen my proverbial bonds, and be able to help people, which after all is what I seem to be good at (and I enjoy it).

If you don’t like what I have to say, it’s fine. I would like to know that, maybe even why if you’re feeling sporting. Either way, I won’t judge, I won’t take offence.

This is me. I like photos, and hate photos of myself. I don’t take selfies.

This is a selfie. I like it.

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