Dear Stefan, this is your older 18 year old self chiming in to straighten you out once and for all, a year in review of sorts. They say hindsight is 20/20, and in my stigmatized vision I see that you may have mistaken your mother’s usual brand of tough, cuss laden love with narcissism. It’s an easy mistake to make, I see em do it all the time so don’t beat yourself up for it like you do many other things (like you are for beating yourself up right now). I just had a talk with her and one thing I can assure you above all else is that she’s always been there when no one else was, and that she has the power as a mother to understand you and your needs like no other person on this earth can, the intuitive connection only someone who’s housed you within their pink (I’m guessing it was pink it’s been a while you see) womb.
I believe in God now, and have devoted my life to Jesus, still wishing to pursue the dream in rap and even comedy. Life is good, and while it’s quite easy to let that escape you in the daily grind and living in your head many smart people do, don’t. I’m not there yet, I haven’t “made it,” I don’t have money in the bank or a co-sign from Dre (not meant as shade for goodness sake), but there’s plenty to be happy about. I’m in touch with my mom again, have a healthy respect for women, and can be myself a little bit easier around people. I just bought a laptop, so that’s a first step and we’ll try to get there faster, remember work and patience.
