“Hi, how’s it going? Look, I wanted to ask you something” — Why how you answer to this can say more about you than you think
Everybody is talking about communication as something ubiquitous, as something that everybody is doing to the best of their abilities. Is it though? I think the term communication (especially an effective one) is devoid of any sort of true meaning right now.
Ever since I started my career, around 13 years ago, I heard everybody talk about how important communication is. It didn’t matter if you were occupying a customer-facing position or not, this term was somehow finding its way in each of the mandatory corporate trainings most of us had to do (and pass, as usually there was a quiz at the end to check if you haven’t been snoozing too much) and into all the one-to-ones or company all hands.
And it didn’t stop. I’m still hearing day in day out how important communication is (alongside its best friends cooperation and feedback)and I’m still asking myself “Why are we still talking about it ?” It must be because a lot of us still don’t know how to effectively communicate, how to get our point across while making sure all of them are fully fledged and as transparent as possible. The point of this piece is not to provide a class on effective communication but rather to talk about a very simple yet powerful way of exhibiting you’re in command of your communication skills — and that is how you respond to people. As easy as that.
Scenario
Meet Julie and Thomas. Julie is a Quality Assistance professional who has been recently given the opportunity to showcase some important team achievements in an upcoming company meeting. Thomas is the Product Owner, he’s not her direct manager but they’re working together in the same team. Some would say, towards the same goals.
Julie: Hi Thomas, how’s it going? Look, I wanted to ask if you could help me with something? It’s about that presentation I am supposed to have ready by tomorrow. I’d really need your help to bring some clarity on some points around business value. Are you available for a short call?
First Possibility, the one no one wants to admit and least desirable
Thomas: …
It happens (sometimes more often than I’d like to see) that Thomas won’t even budge when seeing Julie’s message pop up in his IM client. Why so? Doesn’t he care? He should, as the presentation Julie is going to do will help cast a good light on all the team. Hmm, maybe he saw the message but he was in a meeting or he was really busy with something else, maybe he just didn’t find the 30 seconds necessary to respond. Fair enough, then why didn’t he at least give her any sign of acknowledgement, along the lines of a reaction or something else?
What happens next? Julie will probably follow-up (or not) with Thomas and at some point she’ll decide to call it quits and try to get said information from another source. What’s happening in the end? Julie’s losing time trying to chase down someone who doesn't even take her requests into account, not showing the minimum amount of decency and respect.
And after that? If Thomas is usually doing that to her, she’ll probably not count on his help or involvement anymore and will not engage in any meaningful exchange with him, trying to keep it to the minimum.
Is she right about it? My point of view says Yes. Of course. If you’re trying to get some info or anything from a person and they’re not even responding, in any way, to your requests, then it’s better to take a healthy decision and call it quits. I believe it’s important to count your losses and let sleeping dogs lie.
In the end? Julie could give Thomas some direct and honest feedback, while being assertive and transparent. More than that, Thomas will have to figure it out for himself.
Second Possibility, an improvement
Thomas: Hey Julie, sorry for not being able to help right now, I’ll try to get back to you by the end of the day.
Julie: Thanks a lot, let me know when you have some time.
This is, comparing with the first possibility, a better way of Thomas interacting with this request. He acknowledges the message and Julie’s requests and gives her a specific point in time by which he’ll get back to her.
As someone who is being asked for help, a review, a second opinion or anything, this is the least you can do. It is very important that you are showing active listening and proactivity in your communication skill-set so that your counterpart will not be left hanging without any type of signal (like in the first possibility)
If you want to improve Thomas’ response above you might ask for some of the materials upfront so you could have a read beforehand so time will be optimised when you’ll get together to discuss.
Third possibility, the desirable one
Thomas: Hey Julie, sure, I have some time now. Let me know if you do too and we can have it done in a jiffy!
Julie: Sure, Thomas. Let me call you. Thanks a lot!
Desirable as the person is available and also willing to lend a hand. They’ll see why this is important and how this affects his colleague. In this case, Thomas not only shows desirable communication skills but he is also proactive, available (which most of the times is not a given, unfortunately) and willing.
Sure, most managers might not be available at a moment’s notice (and they don’t necessarily need to be) but I’ve seen a lot of them fall into the first option rather than the second when they get a message in a less than ideal context.
Conclusion
Effective communication is something that everybody talks about as something that’s quintessential to our interpersonal skillset but too few people exercise it as it should. This circles back to why interpersonal skills are important — I’ve written another piece around feedback that you could check here. How is it for you? Do any of the scenarios above ring true to you? Which? Looking forward to hearing back from you.
If you’d like to get in touch on any of the subjects above or about leadership, QA or management in general, I’m always reachable through my LinkedIn profile. Drop me a line! Whether you had a similar or totally different experience, I’d love to hear about it.
