We are “speaking a different language”
And a super easy way how to learn each other’s language…
No matter if it’s a colleague, your boss or a member of your family, I’m sure you have felt this before: you are discussing something and just cannot seem to agree — at all. It seems like the other person “just doesn’t get it”.
Now research shows that in over 98% of the cases it is due to one of three reasons
- You are basing your arguments on different assumptions, which you may believe are true/false
To uncover this one, ask yourself this powerful question: What would the other party have to believe to make their statement true? By this alone, you will be surprised how many misunderstandings you can clear out.
2. You are both right, but have different values, goals and interests
One of you might have a more short term and the other one a long term goal in mind. Additionally, interests and values may differ and make it difficult to find compromise at all
3. Your brain processes information in a different way —SENSORY-SPECIFIC LANGUAGE
If you think visually you are more likely to say:
❏ I get the picture. ❏ It’s clear now. ❏ I see what you mean.
If, however, you think in an auditory way you are more likely to say:
❏ That sounds good. ❏ It rings bells for me. ❏ I hear what you are saying.
If your experience is more feelings based then you are likely to say:
❏ That feels right. ❏ It made an impact on me. ❏ I was moved by what you said
The language of taste and smell also comes into this category of feelings:
❏ It left a bad taste in my mouth. ❏ I smelt something fishy about that suggestion.
Now this one can be difficult to spot if you don’t listen carefully (which is difficult especially in a heated discussion), but once you detected it, it is actually quite easy to heal:
Use the type of language of the person you are trying to speak to. If that person is a visual type, talk in visual terms, and so on..
Go out today, find out what type one person you meet is and try it out, its actually quite eye-opening to see, it feels uplifting and leaves a positive after taste in your mouth when you hear how the opposite party is opening up.
Use this in negotiation, in the workplace or at home. If you want to find out more about persuasion and influence, check out my udemy course (link)
