Communication Barriers: The Cornerstone Of Relationship Drama
The quality of our relationships comes down to the quality of our communication.
Are you currently experiencing communication issues in your relationship? If so, you aren’t alone. Many studies have identified poor communication as one of the top reasons for couples therapy.
Relationship drama is no fun.
When it comes to romantic relationships, healthy communication, or lack of it, can be a deal breaker. We’ve all been there. You are in a bad mood, you take it out on your partner, you don’t talk about it and then a fight ensues.
No matter how aligned you are with your partner, communication barriers are bound to rear their ugly head now and then.
Preventing these hiccups before they occur will ensure that your relationship will be able to sail through any challenges that come your way.
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The purpose of a communication barrier is to block the meaning of the message that one couple sends to another.
Communication problems vary from relationship to relationship and person to person. The question is, “Where do we pick them up?”
We first learn how to communicate when we are children.
Our parents are usually the first role models that teach us this skill. This is where people get into trouble. If Mom and Dad didn’t communicate effectively with one another, it’s natural for children to view their behavior as “normal” and take on that pattern of communicating into adulthood.
As Andy Smithson says, “The sign of great parenting is not the child’s behavior. The sign of great parenting is the parent’s behavior.”
The good news is that we have the power to break free from our conditioned beliefs.
Let’s explore 3 barriers to communication that can be toxic for any relationship.
1. Making Assumptions That Your Partner Knows How You Feel
Do you ever feel like your partner just doesn’t understand you? It could be because you haven’t been communicating your needs to him or her.
Couples get themselves into trouble when they assume that their partner knows what they need or how they feel. I know it would be nice if we could read our partner’s mind, but it doesn’t work that way.
If couples constantly jump to conclusions when they are having a disagreement with one another, it affects their ability to send and receive messages. In short, assumptions are a communication killer.
What you see and hear may not be rooted in reality. When you question your partner before understanding their side of the story, you create toxicity in your relationship.
“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.”
When it comes to relationships it’s not always easy to communicate void of emotions. However, if you can practice objectivity when you and your partner aren’t aligned with something, it will ensure that you don’t allow assumptions to take over the conversation.
2. Being Passive Aggressive
Couples that purposefully speak to one another in a defensive manner or who hide the way that they feel are playing with fire. These types of behaviors are the easiest and fastest ways to block off any opportunity to communicate in an honest and open way.
Passive-aggressive people always choose conflict avoidance, because conflict is something that makes them feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes couples think that the silent treatment will teach their partner a lesson, but it only creates distance and emotional barriers between both people.
In the words of Buddha, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Don’t let conflicts simmer until it turns into something that is bigger than it is. If passive aggressiveness is a pattern of behavior that you are your partner struggle with, learn how to express anger in a healthy way.
As soon as anger strikes, express how you are feeling in a calm way, talk about it, resolve it, and move on!
3. Not Listening
People want to be heard and listened to. When you don’t give your partner your undivided attention when he or she is expressing something, it can create a lot of conflicts.
Listening is a way of showing unconditional love and respect for your partner’s feelings. If you are merely hearing the words that are coming out of your partner’s mouth, but you aren’t listening to what is behind those words, your partner won’t feel heard.
The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.
Sometimes people struggle to listen because the sender’s words feel like an attack. As a result, they can get defensive and angry.
When you are sharing how you feel, talk about how your partner’s behavior makes you feel. Use statements like “I feel like I can’t connect with you” instead of “You are always in a bad mood.”
This will help ensure that your partner doesn’t feel like it’s all on him or her, which will allow for a more open and calm dialogue between the two of you.
Communication in a relationship is not optional. Rather, it’s a necessity.
Even when it’s not easy or uncomfortable, work at it. If you and your partner make communication a top priority, there is no challenge that you won’t be able to overcome.
Thank you for reading!
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