Is A Relationship Supposed To Be Hard Work?

3 Signs That You Are Working Too Hard

Stefan James
Apr 18, 2018 · 4 min read

Great relationships require work and effort from both partners. They don’t just magically happen.

Love is a choice. It requires that both people meet halfway and put in the effort to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple.

Conditioning your mind takes work. Your job takes work. Staying healthy takes work.

Why shouldn’t having a healthy relationship take work as well?

Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, likens a healthy relationship to a good garden -

Do you want to learn 10 tips for creating an amazing relationship? CLICK HERE to read my blog!

Sure, some people are more naturally compatible than others. However, I have yet to meet a power couple who will not tell you that being together doesn’t require work.

Let me be clear — this doesn’t mean that your relationship should be painstakingly difficult on a regular basis.

Research shows that more than 40 percent of new marriages end in divorce. The numbers don’t lie. Relationships aren’t always a walk in the park.

I am blessed to be in an amazing relationship. I am 100% sure that my partner and I are going in the same direction and creating a beautiful future together.

However, in my past, I found myself in relationships where everything felt difficult.

Can you relate?

Don’t get me wrong — these relationships were fun, but there always seemed to be an issue.

When you care about someone, it can be tempting to hold onto a relationship, but sometimes you need to walk away from something that no longer serves you.

There is a line that needs to be drawn when it comes to putting in an effort and trying too hard to make something work.

Here are 3 ways to know if you’re working too hard on a relationship.

1. You are the only one doing the work

If you want to create a healthy relationship that stands the test of time, both partners have to invest time and energy into it.

If you’re the only one trying, what are you getting out of the relationship?

My girlfriend and I have built an amazing relationship, but we are both committed to working at it every day.

If we don’t agree on something, we talk about it, because we understand that communication is key to a successful partnership.

In the words of Fredrik Nael, “It takes both sides to build a bridge.”

2. Your needs aren’t being met

Healthy couples make time to check-in with each other on a regular basis.

Have you ever had an argument with your partner and felt like your needs were not being met?

When it comes to your core needs, they should not be negotiable.

In the words of Colin Wright, “When you don’t make your needs clear, they won’t be met.”

Ask yourself, “What do I need in a relationship in order to be fulfilled, happy and loved?”

We all feel and express love differently, which is why it is so important to know what your love language is.

In his book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts, Gary Chapman outlines five ways to express and experience love — receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

If you or your partner have yet to read this book, I highly recommend that you do.

3. You have to justify your relationship with friends and family

If you feel like you are constantly justifying to your loved ones why the person that you are with is the right one for you, it’s time to reassess your relationship.

Sometimes love is blind.

Oftentimes people don’t realize that they are in an unhealthy relationship until someone else points it out to them.

When you are truly happy in a relationship, you have nothing to prove. There is a fluidity that feels natural and easy.

From my experience, in order to attract an amazing person into your life, you have to do the work to love yourself deeply. When you do so, you will find and attract the right person to spend your life with.

Great relationships take work, but they shouldn’t leave you feeling drained and depleted.

If you feel like you are in a one-sided relationship, something needs to change. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Thank you for reading!

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Stefan James

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I’m a life and online business strategist dedicated to helping you create freedom and master your life. To learn more, go to: