Earlier in the day I got a message from a fellow subscriber whose name I will not mention because he wishes to stay anonymous and I have to respect that, but in the message he said that he is struggling with gym intimidation. He’s not the biggest guy in the world, in fact he is on the skinnier side and also a beginner at the gym, he can’t push or pull a lot of weight and so he doesn’t feel comfortable while working out, he thinks that people are looking at him, laughing behind his back etc. He also mentions that he takes that mentality outside of the gym as well, constantly wonders whether the next thing he does will be approved by other people and not looked down upon, and that problem has an impact in his dating life as well because he has a lot of trouble talking to girls, always playing it safe because otherwise there’s a huge risk of him getting judged.

His mood always changes for the worse when someone says something negative to him or makes a joke at his expense.

This is a huge problem because having that fear will never get you anywhere, you’ll always tip-toe through life and never really take any risks because you don’t want to piss somebody off or you don’t want to get yourself in an uncomfortable position. And that’s not the solution either because no matter what you do there will always be haters and on the other side people that will support your cause, so it’s pointless to even attempt pleasing everyone. You can get two completely different comments for the same physique in the same day, one person will tell you how you’re too big and that you have to get shredded more and the other that you’re too small and that you have to bulk up, it’s all subjective and I’m sure everyone experienced this at some point to some extent.

Every successful person had to break through this fear so that it doesn’t hold him or her back from the goal they have.

Making yourself into a people-pleaser will usually make things worse because nobody likes pushovers so by playing it safe you’re actually going to get what you were afraid of in the first place. A great example for that is the friend-zoned guy who was afraid of showing his true self, his character, beliefs and views, so instead of that he decided to play it safe and be the “nice guy” that girls say they desperately want. Results? Well I think we all know the fate of these poor individuals.

. So in a nutshell the question is basically: How not to care what others think of you? And if you’re dealing with this problem yourself make sure you stick around.

So we have to split this one into 2 segments, the gym intimidation part fits the first segment perfectly and that is when you yourself create scenarios in your head and over-exaggerate what other people think of you and how they see you, so we’ll cover that first. And the second one is the actual reaction and dealing with situations when someone directly says something negative to you and that messes up your mood and state.

Gym intimidation: I think everyone had this to some extent when they were a beginner and unfortunately some do even when they’re the biggest guy in the gym and it is the most misleading thought you can have and it comes from having low self-esteem. Nobody’s in the gym so they become a professional gym judger and commentator, everybody’s there looking at their own business with a goal of improving themselves physically, nobody really cares about you, it’s all in your head. I myself have a massive respect for everyone working out, whether I see a skinnier person or somebody whose overweight, because they’re in there making a change and bettering themselves, and a lot of people share the same opinion on this as well.

Never have I heard anyone talking about somebody else in the gym and criticizing the person’s look, the only time you’re going to get those sorts of behind your back comments is when you are performing an exercise so terribly that you are worthy of becoming a meme.

So dealing with the first segment, you have to realize that it’s all in your head, you’re in there to do your job, I’m there to do my job, Bob’s there to do his job, neither me nor Bob care about you.

Now the first part was more a false representation of reality problem when it comes to this specific case. Now let’s deal with the actual reality, the reality where people WILL say bad things to you, where people WILL disagree with you on the things you stand for, where people WILL say directly mean things to your face, where people WILL try to embarrass you in front of others, where people WILL try to bring you down etc.

Here’s what’s the problem here. The problem is not that you’re affected just when something bad happens to you or when someone says something bad about you, your problem is that you let outside circumstances dictate your mood overall. So you don’t just bring your mood down when somebody says something bad about you, you also bring your mood up when someone says something nice about you, or if something bad happens, something that’s out of your control, it brings your mood down equally as if on the other side something positive happened.

What you have to do is, you have to fully detach yourself from both. Both the positive offhand comments and compliments as well as the negative ones and judgments. So as long as you’re affected by positive comments and events you will equally be affected by the negative ones. It will be much easier for you to detach from the positive events and comments because that’s what’s holding you back without you knowing it. Now that does not mean that you become an emotionless, miserable, cold hearted person. No, it’s in fact the complete opposite, you do what you do coming from a place of abundance, if someone doesn’t like it, it’s cool, you do what you do, if someone likes it and supports you that’s cool too, you do what you do, but you will not let outside circumstances dictate your state no matter if they’re good or bad. Elliot Hulse made a great comparison with this talking about a bird who’s doing it’s thing singing on a branch, a person walks by and shouts out how he’s thankful to the bird, how the bird’s singing and the beautiful music made his day. What’s the bird’s reaction? That’s cool I’m a bird, that’s what I do, I sing. Another person walks by throws a rock at the bird and yells how annoying and loud the bird is. The bird dodges the rock and says, that’s cool too I’m a bird and I do what I do, I sing.

So the message is to be that bird because that’s the only way you’ll deal with not caring what people think of you.

I also made a video on this topic so make sure you check it out if interested!

VIDEO LINK: https://youtu.be/qj0HTEHpcA8

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