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Where life takes you

So every year, when it was nearly my birthday, I have always been afraid of embracing another year of my life. I was afraid of not using my time wisely, afraid of not doing well for the past year, afraid that I have less time to do all the things I wanna do, Afraid of not being obliged to grow up and obliged to do certain things people usually do at certain age, afraid that I cannot do some activities I used to do back then, and many more things, it’s like I was living in hurry, trying to accomplish anything on my bucket list before the sand on the annual clock runs out.

This year I’ll be turning twenty. It is pretty scary to know that my teenage will soon be over. I already have most of the stuffs on my bucket list checked, My friends may feel like I have a pretty awesome teenage life, but the worry never stops. Every time I see a countdown timer towards my birthday, I have a mini heart attack and a voice saying “oh no! My clock is ticking” how should I spend the rest of my limited teenage days? I don’t know. I spent most of the days doing assignments, I barely slept, nor have the time to think about how I should spend these days. I really have no idea about it.

Then one day I realize that I am not running in front of the time, I am moving along with time. I can’t go faster or slower. Time goes on, and so do life. What should I do?

Life is like strolling along a grocery shop, within a shopping cart. A cart that never stops, a cart that constantly moves and you can’t get out of it. This is a cart of time. The cart passes through aisle of chances, this aisle offers different kind of stuffs. You can grab whatever you want on the shelves. Sometimes you have to raise your hand to grab it, sometimes you have to jump, or even climb the other shelves to grab what you think you need in your life.

Sometimes you doubt whether to snatch those chances and put it inside your cart, or just leave it there untouched. Sometimes you have to throw out some unnecessary things in order to make more space for more important things, it all depends on your purpose. The thing you want to create throughout your life. If you want to make some cakes grab some flour then, if you wanna make lemon squash, grab some lemon and some cups. You wanna travel around the world? Look forward to save some money from now. You wanna give free education to poor children? Start volunteering. You wanna hike the everest? Start training.

You don’t even know what you wanna make? Start searching! You breath for a reason, if you don’t know what it is, grab some equipment to discover it. Some prayer and the word of God would definitely help.

So, here I am. I am still looking forward to discover what God wants me to do, but not in a hurry, I’m still trying to use my time wisely and efficiently, to show my responsibility towards what God have given to me, not because the big paranoia of limited time I have before 20.

Now there’s only 2 months left, I do not have big phenomenal jaw-dropping project to be done. But I’m not worried anymore, because I stopped assuming that I was running in front of the time and start embracing the reality that I am moving along steadily on the shopping cart, moved by the everlasting hands of my Father ☺

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