“Anda Bukan Santa Klaus” — You are not a Santa Claus: the art of saying no.
One day at my second year of university, I went to campus at 6 am from my home for a very very morning Project Management class. Remember clearly, my lecturer is Pak Mary (FYI, “Pak” is “Mr” in Bahasa Indonesia), he had only one rule: “Nobody enters the class after I enter the class”. I w̶a̶̶s am not a morning person (for example my morning run starts at 10 am), but somehow I never missed his class (as far as I remember). He taught us for 2 years, and I only remember one single thing. And amazingly, I took a photo of it.
I took it on my old iPhone, and I was not that person who took a photo of everything. So, I think I felt special about this “quote”. 5 years went by, half of my classmates got married, had children, had a master degree. The other half prefer to pursue their forever alone-ness. I myself now is a Product Manager (PM), nothing special, just an average PM. But legend says PMs need to have balls of steel to be able to say NO to everybody including the CEO. Now, I can relate to the quote. Pak Mary, it’s been 5 years, and you still teach me.
Intermezzo: Santa Claus is originally from Saint Nicholas until America reframe Santa Claus. St Nicholas is from a very rich family and his parents died when he was young. He used the money to give gifts to the newborn baby and kids in the area, just like the magi gave the gifts to Joseph and Mary when Jesus was born. That is why they use Santa Claus for christmas (which celebrate The Born of Jesus Christ).
Why in the hell do you need to say no? Just do what your boss says!
Yes, I agree it is easier.
However, as a Professional, you need to understand that there is a “Profession” in “Professional”. It’s so often that our bosses, do not understand what our profession is (that’s why they hired us in the first place, right?). After you made a mistake with your boss’s decision, it is not his/her fault. it is yours, and I agree it was yours. Your fault is: you did not SAY NO.
In my profession, there is a stupid quote that I often use to describe my role.
“Product manager’s main job is to say no to everybody in the company, including the CEO”
I do not completely disagree with the quote, I find it cool. But, do not take it too literally. PM main job is (literally) managing product, and product main job is (literally) used by customers. So yes, PM need to listen to the customers. But, by just say no to everybody, you close your mind from another perspective and new fresh hilarious idea from your stakeholders. Meanwhile, PMs need to be the most open-minded person (at least in the “meeting room”). Furthermore, they might be right and you are just not smart enough.
So, let me fix the quote.
“Product manager’s main job is to say yes to every input then explore, prove and explain the reason to say no from the customer’s point of view”
Fun “not sure” Fact: Our image of Santa Claus right now is shaped by coca cola. They use Santa for advertisement since 1920. The original Santa use combination of red, green, blue and brown fur color. But yes, the legend says that Red is his favorite color.
So, how to say no without being an A-Hole?
Sometimes, by saying no. You will be in a big trouble. Either your boss or you who being an A-hole. In the extreme case, you can lose your job, and struggle in the side of the road by saying no (I guess it is not extreme enough because I’ve seen something like this OFTEN). If it was not extreme enough, you can be killed by saying no.
You are in the dilemma of being a stupid realistic human being or being a stupid professional.
I have a few tips. (note: I do not guarantee the outcome of my advice, I hope you are smart enough to say no to my tips.)
Say no with beautiful word
“I am sorry boss, your idea is brilliant. But, I cannot do it yet, because I need to prove it to the users first.”
Say that there will be a better option
“I agree with your idea. But, I think we can explore other options and choose the best solution. Let me in charge of this”
Say “yes, but”
“yes, but..”
Do not judge their idea
“hahahaha.. what a stupid idea. LOL” (do not do it guys, you’ll look more unprofessional). Plus, They won’t share the idea for you anymore.
Prove it with data and/or research
Research and get the data to prove and explain your “say no”. Try to always objective about your “say no”.
Appreciate their idea with heart
What you are saying is important to them, but what you are feeling is important for you. Accept the most ridiculous idea with your heart. Take their point of view, then fell the empathy of the idea. Then there will no such a thing as a ridiculous idea.
What if your stupid advice doesn’t work? And my boss being angry
Say sorry, ask feedback from your boss, evaluate your work. Then choose between fight or leave. Bro, Life is about evaluation, make a decision, and never regret about it. REPEAT.
