“In order to love yourself you must behave in ways that you admire"

Now, what does that mean? It is a tricky one here. I thought about that quote for quite a while. The obvious message: behave in ways which are adorable. When we seee behaviours in others which are good, authentic, real, open, honest, direct, clear, fair, appreciating- we should take that as an example to behave like that either. If we behave in good ways and it resonates in us and others we automatically feel good/ better either.

But as we go a little bit deeper: That is easier said than done. Don’t we all have our inner conflicts, traumas, patterns that keep us from behaving in ways that we origanlly admire? Even more: that hinder us from living the life we dream of? The life we orginally wish for? Often people are stuck in self sabbotage, which means they repeat patterns they have learned in childhood, they repeat experiences they have experienced in childhood and: they confirm these experiences/ patterns through behaviours that lead them to this exact situation they orginally never wanted to experience! This can be in private life (relationships, which are often battle fields instead of striving and loving bonds) as well as in business life.
So, if he talks about behaving in ways that we admire, I think he means behaving in ways our oiginal self would behave. The self which is not traumatised, the self which is not conditioned through pathological patterns.
For me the key message here is: try to be the best version of yourself. Try to be you. The original you. The pure you. The you that is beyond all your traumas and patterns. But also: adapt constantly. Learn, change, evolve, copy behaviours from others who are a role model for you.
The goal here is not to just play a role, though. Unfortunately, that is actually the thing most people do…. They play a role, in which they can feel good and which distracts them so perfectly from all of the issues they dont want to deal with. A role that prevents them from looking at their real self. That can be the role of the perfect parent, who does everything for his/ her children up to the point of self-sacrifice, the role of the perfect manager/ entrepreneur who does everything for her/ his job, neglects himself, his health, relationship etc., the role of the perfect partner who does everything to fulfill the needs of his wife/ her husband and so on.
If you see people acting extremely, you know that they are not really inside of themselves. They are not settled. They are not in balance. Even if this extremism might have some advantages or even makes them very successful. But there is a lack. And that lack will come and get them. Sooner or later.

I think some things I have described here are true for the most of us, right? Many of us are on their way, their journey towards a better self. One is farer ahead, one is a bit behind and some of us don’t want to travel at all- out of fear what they might discover.

I hope that all of you are going on that journey. Once you really started, you cannot stop. And if you need to stop here and there: please don’t lose your destination

Written by: Katrin Steinbeck

Holistic health coach, personal fitnesstrainer, corporate health specialist