Powerful Factor X Dating

A Band-Aid Solution To The Commodification of Online Dating

I want some tall quasi-genius man who likes pigeons to lie on me, crushing the weight of my insane urges and years of unrequited love. I’d like an amazing person, a healthy person, a nice someone who’s not going to freak me out. Men scare me! Men rape, stalk and pillage. But not all men, of course. Nice men……..

But I’m picky as hell. I’m headed into the inferno of absolute picky perfection. Reality is not nearly as desirable as what’s going on in my mind. Am I a narcissist? A genius? A person not of this time and place? Who the fuck cares? I have insane ideas, daily. And they must emerge. That’s all I know. You get them for whatever reason.

What is Factor X dating?

Factor X is a term in my personal lexicon to describe a powerful tool that is used to bring about transformational personal change. I’m not some vapid self-help guru, but I am a pure experimentalist. This means I frequently dive deep inside my mind to discover highly personal solutions to life problems and I try out my solutions before doing any sort of testing or research. My solutions are my tests. Sometimes I get really insane results. Sometimes I solve huge problems. My life is a lab experiment that occasionally blows up in my face or reveals the magic of existence! I hope you are benefitting in some way.

So, here’s what I see as a huge problem in online dating: the commodification of human mate selection is creating an oversupply of options and therefore, an inability for humans to make commitments and decisions. The feeling of “what’s around the corner?” plagues most of us and it’s a lot like going to the cereal aisle in modern grocery stores: there are too many fucking choices, and therefore many of us simply cannot process that high number of mental calculations.

cereal aisle in USA

So, we end up just grabbing something off the shelf without fully understanding what we just grabbed. Our hunger trumps any serious logic and we end up relying on our faulty lizard brains to make our mating decisions. Granted, I’m not an expert at using dating apps. I tried online dating in 2006 and recently tried Tinder and Siren. I lost interest pretty quickly due to the amount of research and tedium involved in the activity.

So, what is Factor X dating?

It is a date designed to expand the consciousness of two people who are interested in each other.

Here’s how it works:

STEP 1: Find A Mate

Two people have to find each other, either using dating apps or in the real-world.

STEP 2: Learning

Next, a significant amount of writing and verbal exchanges must take place so that you both can get to know the person in-depth. After this in-depth process is complete, the two of you can work together to create the details of the Factor X date.

STEP 3: You Must Believe It’s Your Last Day On Planet Earth (a very hard exercise)

You both must agree to believe that the Factor X date will take place on the last days of both of your lives. You must both believe this with all your heart and mind. If one fails to completely believe, the date experiment will fail. The reason it is necessary to believe it is the last day of your life is because in this scenario, you will experience massive growth and self-knowledge.

STEP 4: Date Details

It is highly recommended that you spend one day and night together (24 hours) in a new place like a hotel. It’s also beneficial to unplug yourselves from all electronic devices. It’s your last day on earth, so there’s no need to be checking email or Facebook. Of course, for safety purposes, bring your phone with you, but don’t be checking it at all.

STEP 5: The Date

Every moment is voluntary. You have not agreed to have sex with each other. No one owes anything to the other. The date is an exploration only. Some dates will end abruptly, while others will survive all the steps. There is no forcing or coercion, unless both parties take an active role in deciding the mutual trajectory.

Use your time together to explore each other’s minds in-depth. Ask your mate questions that you’ve always been scared to ask of any human being. Stretch your mind. Answer your mate’s questions with honesty. Describe to your mate what things you’ve never done, never explored and never had the guts to do. These things don’t have to be the standard sexual fare. In fact, I challenge people to experience things that are highly intimate in nature, but not sexually mainstream. (I’m not talking about S&M here, I’m talking about human creativity). Sharing odd or painful experiences produce extremely high growth outcomes and confidence. Try to remember what you were like as a child. Be curious and try to reduce fear and shame.

I bet there are unique things that are truly intimate that people have never done, like delicately licking eachother’s eyeballs. This type of activity requires intense amounts of trust. It’s not something to take lightly. The human mind is capable of creating so many unique experiences that can be shared. This type of experience is designed specifically to eradicate fear of judgment and rejection. When it’s the last day of your life, you can’t lose for you are about to die together. Don’t abuse your mate, though. That’s not part of the experiment.


The final step is perhaps the most difficult one. After the 24 hours is over, you separate from each other. You both agree to write an extremely honest article about the experience. In it you should include how you felt about the other person’s response to you and how comfortable you felt exposing your rawest parts of yourself. Write about your sexual feelings, your thoughts and what went through your head as you kissed (if it happened). If you didn’t end up kissing, write what was going on in your head when you thought about kissing the person but didn’t.

Try to be gentle, remember, feelings are so fragile, but speak your truth in a way that does not harm someone else. After you are finished writing your posts, exchange them. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to receive such a thing? These thoughts sort of fuel my imagination in radical ways.

If you decide to try out this experiment, please send me your results. My email is leahstella@gmail.com.

I hope some couple, somewhere tries it out. If you have trouble imagining the “last day on earth scenario”, you can email me for helpful tips.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Your Partner In Mad Ideas,

HDR photo I took in Kansas. Isn’t it fucking awesome?

ps- I haven’t been drunk in 6 years. Tonight I decided to go for it. The floodgates are open!!!! Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love each and every one of you right now (liquor-speak). But please don’t stalk me. I’ve had two stalkers before and it fucking sucked. Make the internet great again!

Ideas are your currency. Let’s get rich.