It’s like nightmares of cutting my life is coming back again. The depressing people with depressing reasons are making me more depressed from depressed. The lights of the stupid bulb is on-off like it’s taking away in one blink. The grass is green but they appear blood to me. The colors seems dull when it flashes in my eyes.
I should feel something. I only feel melancholia, crestfallen, idiocy, and sometimes nothing. I can feel pain then I can’t feel no more. I can feel happiness then I can’t no more. I want to feel and don’t at the same page.
It’s running out in my system and I know this isn’t healthy as it shouldn’t be.
I’m afraid of me. They are afraid of me. I don’t deserve me and them. They don’t deserve to have me. I don’t trust myself. They don’t, too.
It’s scaring me, like no one to help. I don’t need recognition. I don’t need attention. I need to have something I don’t know what. I’m the lamest, the uncool, the tragic, the unlikable, the useless, the worthless, the game, the past time, the stockaway, the color unknown, the haiyan, the hideous beast from outside to the depths.
And I think I deserve death.
If you’d do. Don’t fed me up with all the realization in life that there’s more to living. Don’t fill me up with those reasons why what I’m about to do it is just an emoticon. Don’t make me feel what I don’t want to feel unintentionally. I had enough of it, and it’ll only make me worse. I know of it all. But I still need saving.