My Brother Was A No Show To My Wedding
The decision to include my brother in one of the biggest days of my life was something I didn’t take lightly. But in the months leading up to my wedding day, I knew I had made a mistake.
Topics like this aren’t easy to share, but writing for me has always been another form of creative expression. Writing helps me to get things off my chest, and writing helps me feel connected with people. If I can make just one person better for the things I might share, that’s all I care about.
When I got word he didn’t show, I felt like I was going to throw up. I allowed myself a few minutes to sulk. I promised myself I was going to have the best day of my life and I would deal with this all later. I felt embarrassed, hurt, disappointed, and angry. All I wanted to know was why?
After spending nearly two weeks reflecting and asking why, I still have yet to hear the answer. My brother hasn’t reached out, or even acknowledged he’s missed my wedding. In all of this though, I’ve learned a Full House type of lesson. (90’s kids, what’s up?)
Addiction is a mother f*cker. It’s way bigger than anything I’ll ever be, or anything I could ever give. No matter how much love, support, gratitude, sympathy, pity, or encouragement I can give — it will never equal what an addict can get from drugs and alcohol.
Addiction is a disease. Most addicts have such deep issues that they never deal with. They want to run and hide from every pain they’ve ever felt. But often their pain masked just reflects back onto their friends and family. It’s the hardest thing to love an addict. Because of his pain, I’ve had to suffer and endure a lot. And the hardest pill to swallow in all of this is that I cannot force someone to be in my life. Not even my own flesh and blood.
Sometimes life leads you to a point where you have to make tough decisions. You have to say enough is enough, and stop putting yourself in a position to be hurt by someone you love. I let my brother hurt me for the last time.
I will no longer let my brother’s absence affect how much love I feel. I will no longer make excuses for him or defend his actions. My expectations are low, and I won’t set myself up for the disappointment anymore. Some might think it’s a bit harsh that I’m making the personal decision to cut my brother out my life, but you should never judge before walking a mile in my shoes.
But dude, there’s always a silver lining. Although I’m feeling angry, upset, and hurt I will always love my brother. And I will always be here to love and support him when he decides he wants to turn things around.