Before the Bright Lights
The quiet before the storm
The walk to the top of the staircase seems longer than usual. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion, my breathing is heavy, and my heart is jumping out of my chest. As I make my way to the top, I can hear screams coming from the theatre; sounds of cheering fans and music bumping through the stereo. I am deep in thought, going through the motions in my head, trying my best to maintain my composure.
I make it to the top of the stairs and the fight before is just about wrapping up. Great. More time to think about how much I suck and how I’m going to get hurt. I take a walk to a bathroom at the end of the hall where I begin my pre-fight rituals. I begin to stare into the mirror and as I look back into my eyes I see fear, I see doubt, I see disappointment. I close my eyes and picture everything that I have done in training, how hard I worked, how much I sacrificed to be there in that moment. I open my eyes and everything has changed.
Do you feel it yet? The rush? The anxiety?
There’s no doubt in my mind that the most crucial part of the fight are not just the weeks spent preparing for competition. Don’t get me wrong training is certainly vital if you want to do well and win, however, the fight is really won the moments just before walking into the ring.
One of the most challenging aspects of being a fighter isn’t so much the physical aspect of the sport. See, for me at least, the physical part is easy — relatively speaking. You train, you condition, you learn technique, you practice it until it becomes second nature, develop your own style, and the rest is “easy.” Where things get difficult, again at least for me, is the mental aspect.
A strong body can only take you as far as your mind will allow so if that is weak you won’t go far. So what is it that after weeks spent preparing for the very same thing we’re about to do anyway that get us?
Fear.
This is not a word you will hear coming out of most fighters mouths, but it’s there. We don’t fear getting hit because we deal with that day in and day out. We don’t fear the pain because again, we deal with that day in and day out. For some of us it is the fear of losing, for others it is the pressure of losing in front of the home crowd or losing a big match, but for most of us it’s the fear of the unknown.
“There is nothing this guy is going to do to me that hasn’t already been done.” I have to remind myself that because not knowing is scary and so I have to almost foreshadow what’s going to happen so that “I know.”
It is in our nature to fear the unknown and that’s all that I’m really battling against those moments before I enter the ring. That’s what most of us are battling, but some mask it well. I’ve seen fighters walk in with a blank stare on their face, fighters punching their gloves together, biting down on their mouthpiece or doing a silly walk — Conor McGregor.
The idea of fear and not knowing what to expect is normal. In fact, it is essential to have these fears because without them we can’t fight as well as we’d like. Fear provokes one of two responses; Fight or flight. We’ve trained for weeks to stand our ground, but no matter how hard you train that feeling is not something you can simulate.
There are a lot of physiological changes that happen in the body; Our respiratory rate increases, blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running OR fighting. Our pupils dilate and our awareness intensifies. Our sight sharpens, our impulses quicken and our perception of pain diminishes. We essentially become prepared — physically and psychologically — for fight or flight. So in essence, fear is good. Fear provokes many responses that can help us when we need them; no matter which direction you decide to take.
Fighting WITH fear helps facilitate your every movement in the ring. Understanding this is probably one of the most important factors because it allows us to control what we do about that fear. Fighting AGAINST fear, however, will cause a lot of those responses to work against us. Breathing gets heavier, reaction time isn’t as fast, and everything you throw feels like you have cinderblocks on each limb. We ultimately end up taking the flight response and I might not necessarily mean in the literal sense — although that is certainly an option — but we shut down all the important responses we need.
If we permit fear to paralyze us than it will be detrimental to our performance.
When I first started fight years ago I used to watch a lot of fight videos — something I think every fighter does when they first getting into this sport. Mike Tyson highlights were common in my YouTube history of watched videos, but I came across one particular video that truly changed my whole perception of fighting. This video was different from others I had watched because it wasn’t about his fights or even training. This video in particular was on exactly what I’m talking about now; the moments before walking into the ring.
It was the first time in my life where I realized that it was actually ok to be scared. I mean, here’s Mike Tyson, Iron Mike, one of the baddest and most feared heavyweight fighters in boxing, talking about how scared he was. For so long I had hid these fears because I thought it was a sign of weakness, but in reality it was just a normal reaction.
Through every sport I competed in I played with so much fear that I never really reached my full potential. Competition triggered so many of the reactions I mentioned earlier, but my problem was that I did not know how to use it properly. I did not learn how to use it to my advantage and so I would take the “flight” route a lot of the times. I never ran from the fear, but I never faced it head on either.
Watching this video and hearing so many great and experienced fighters talk about their natural fears made me realize that I wasn’t the only one. I felt comfortable with being a little scared of the unknown, but I finally figured out that I had all the power in the world to control it. And I did.
I walk into every bout with almost the same mentality and the same fears, but once that bell rings it all goes away. The crowd cheering, the music, the bright lights and most importantly, doing what I love. That’s what I live for. That’s what I fight for. I put a smile on my face and finally start having fun.
You can fear a lot of things, but it’s ok to have those feelings. It means there’s something out there that you really want; a new career, moving to another state, or even just a win. There might be something you fear today — maybe not be as intense as stepping into a ring — but facing it head on may potentially change things for the better.
It all boils down to that one moment, that feeling, the fear and being able to harness all that energy to put on the best show possible. You just have to walk in, raise your hand, and own that shit!
Everything you do in life has to be exactly that…
Walk in. Raise your hand. Own that shit!!
“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”-Nelson Mandela
